Topic: Nightmare Battle

[Cosmic King]

*9 days have passed since the battle vs. D'Arby,most of the warriors decided to travel around to clear their minds,the one named Janus decided to travel to China,to the cursed waters of Jusenkyo*

Guide:(watching from above)Why do people still insist to train here? *sigh*

Janus:(thinking) It has been a while since i came here (jumps to the pole sign where the red haired curse water is;Janus starts training and balancing himself) this is way to easy,i shall try balancing with one foot (does so)

??:Ya better take care,friend,or you will become a girl for life

*Janus loses balance but evades been touched by the cursed water*

Janus:Who are ya?

??:Allow me to present myself,i am James Rolfe

Janus:(amazed) The Angry Videogame Nerd !!!!!



AVGN:Correct,my young fellow (throws his customized tshirt on)

Janus:What do ya want from me,nerd?

AVGN:I can feel yer hatred,janus,it is like a fine wine and i am looking forward to get drunk on it....IN COMBAT

*Releases all his energy and becomes as a Supersaiyan*



Janus:Have at you,amigo

KASHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN !!!

*Janus punches barely hurt "True AVGN" body*

AVGN:Cologne truly taught ya well,janus,but that isnt enough

N.E.S. DIMENSION BLAST !!!

*The attacks makes janus becomes a nes videogame,where AVGN uses him to lose all of janus lives and continues;janus is back 2 normal but weakened*

This is becoming to boring,you came to battle me 100 years too early,i shall finish ya with one of yer master techniques

HIRYU SHOTEN HA !!!

*Janus is defeated and the last attack makes crash into one of the cursed water pits*

Guide:Holy Shit !!! that was the Oni woman water,legend says that one oni crashed there and drowned,now anyone that falls there becomes that when touched by cold water,too bad luck for that foreigner

*Janus wakes up,he looks more or less like Lum,except he has golden brown hair,more big horns and fangs*

Janus:(female voice) WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME ?!? 

Guide:See it in a more optimistic way,young one,now you need not to watch XXX magazines 

Janus:Spare me the jokes,i have become a girl,tell me da cure

Guide:There isnt 

Janus:....

Guide:Besides the temporal cure with hot water,only super magic could cure ya as we no longer have da antidote,have a nice day

[janus]

female Janus: What!   (lifts guide by his shirt) there has to be a cure for this, my whole life is ruined!

Guide: me told you already, we are all out of antidodes, previous guests always come back unhappy and always try to kill me, so I give them all antidote. only partial solution is rinse with hot water and you turn back to man

female Janus: but that's only a temporary one!

Guide: Well too bad guest

female Janus: ARGH!

*female Janus throws Guide into a cursed spring out of anger and becomes Jusenkio raccoon guide

female Janus: that al teach ya!

AVGN: HA! you are weaker than before. That makes it 300 years too early to battle me. Besides it would be too selfish of me to attack a defenseless girl.

female janus: WHY YOU!

AVGN: Until you're ready I'll be waiting

*AVGN makes a flashy exit

female Janus: I'm not done with you yet, I can still fight! (later drops to his knees exhausted)

*female Janus takes out Jusenkio raccoon guide who was still in the spring, by his shirt

female Janus: there has to be another way to cure this or you'll pay big time! }:|

[Cosmic King]

Guide:Me told ya already,crossdressing one,you should rejoice

Janus:I am not willing to be a woman,nor an oni,tell me da cure or i am gonna rip yer eyes and put them in yer mouth

*the guide begins to get a lot of fear*

Guide:Acckk..ok...ok...the phoenix mirror in Tierra del Fuego is one part and da other one is.....accckkk (dies of a heart attack)

Janus:Dang,he is dead apparently and with him the secret to cure me,i will have to try and find a cure by myself

*Janus picks up his/her things,showers in hot water and travels toward America,first he must pass Japan to do so;he arrives what seems to be a giant house*

Janus:Probably this is a hostel,it says K-U-N-O above,probably just a fancy name

*Janus knocks the door,a trap below him activates,he falls in a room full of black flowers,one crocodile appears and tries to bite him,janus jumps it and knocks the alligator*

Janus:Where da hell i had to appear?

*A security system activates and fills the room with knockout gas,janus tries to escape but he falls asleep near what seemed to be da escape door,2 people arrive with gas masks*

Sasuke:Ms. Kodachi,here is the intruder,he was beaten by the gas,shall i throw him into the spikes pit?

Kodachi:No,he seems good looking 2 me,almost as my beloved ranma,bring him to the living room # 23 after ya feed my sharks,i need to question him when he awakes (leaves)

Sasuke:Aye aye,milady

*Sasuke grabs Janus while he is about 2 feed da sharks,but alas,Janus,not been weak,awoke and tried to escape,Janus falls in the private cold lake of the kuno family,but meanwhile with Tatewaki Kuno*

Tatewaki:Oh,woe is me,i am but fate's puppet as i love 2 women,pig tail girl and akane tendo,it would be better for me to drown into this lake than suffering to be apart from them

*He launches to the lake exactly when Janus was there floating ( as a oni girl),Kuno feels somehow attracted and rescues Janus*

Janus:(woman voice) Thank you...i was been attacked by a gnome and a witch

Tatewaki:Probably sasuke and kodachi....do not fear,fair maiden,you are safe here with the Blue Lightning of Kendo,Tatewaki Kuno,btw,what is yer name,nymph?

Janus:(thinking) i better come up with a name (normal) My name is Oniko Matsudaira,i thought this place was a hostel but it seems it isnt

Tatewaki:Oh,you poor girl,you are trying to find shelter,worry not,i can sense you are a innocent girl (kisses Janus hand) allow me to give ya home for all da time u need



Janus/Oniko:Why,thank you,hehehe (thinking)  :r :r :r i am gonna need of this place for a while

Tatewaki:By the way,oniko,why do ya have those horns in yer head?

Janus/Oniko:Err,they are some accessories my mother gave before she died,i swore never to take them out

Tatewaki:You look kawai,somehow those horns made me think i have seen ya before,anyways i am sure you will be a sure hit in Furinkan High

Janus/Oniko:School?

Tatewaki:Aye,oniko-san,you require me to be yer personal bodyguard,that means you have to come with me 2 school to make ya safe from my evil sister,i suppose u r hungry,lets go 2 eat

Janus/Oniko:Yeah

Tatewaki:(thinking) god be praised,in my moment of despair i got to meet a girl that is as beautiful as akane and foxxy as the pig tail girl 

[alumxander]

(Our brave hero is sitting near a pool in his home,remembering those old days against the valkirye and friends)

Alumxander:I feel so nostalgic all of a sudden,what should my heart feel after losing so many times?

Zombie:But,ssir,they may have beaten yo many times yet you only need one victory

Alumxander:You are right,zombie,it is due time i settle this with all of them

Zombie:Howw?

Alumxander:Send them invitations to enter a contest at my house in France,that way i will only fight the best of them,right now leave me to mourn in my sanctaury to cata  ;(

Posted on: July 28, 2007, 08:32:29 PM(I fall sleep in the waters of the pool,i get to see a vision of one of my enemies as a fair girl as lum,that foe was accompained by a young boy,both them were going to a church,i wake up)

Alumxander:Zombie,what did yo put in the pool?

Zombie:Some water we collected from the river of time,bossss

Alumxander:Then i saw something that will happen,what an excelent irony that those who negated me to have my girls now are girls,i must know more of this,hahahahahaha

(After a while,our brave hero finds that it is Janus)

Alumxander:So it is that boy,since hot water will return him to be a man,i shall see for him never to grab it...Shazam Abracadabra!!!!

(My magic spell travels towards Janus and covers him without he/she notices)

Zombie:What did ya do,bosssss?

Alumxander:That spell wont allow him to get touched by hot water all time,if he gets near it,water shall become cold instantly,besides he must look better as a girl  >

Zombie:Boss,you are the best

Alumxander:I know 

[cata]

Meanwhile...

Cata: What should we do now? Chase Alumxander, the cheater? Chase Dark? Battle each other now?

Suddenly appears a flying pink letter and Cata catches it.

Kaede: Open it!

Sand: Read it. What does it say?

Cata reads the letter:

Cata: Dear friends: Kaede-chan, Sand-kun, Janus-kun and my beloved Cata-chan, I'm here to invite you to a party. Tomorrow night by 21 o' clock at my house in France. In the envelope you will find a map of the all way to my house. Please come. There will be music, food, dance, and much more. Please come.

Sincerely,

Alumxander, the Great

P.S.: It is a costume party.

Kaede: I don't know if we should go.

Cata: Well, there will be food, so... Let's go.

Sand: How can you be so sure?

Cata: Maybe you're right. But it is a party. Or at least it is supposed to be a party. Besides, I kinda miss him.

Sand/ Kaede: WHAT? So... YOU LIKE HIM! :D

Cata: WHAT?! I don't like him!  

Sand/ Kaede: But you just said that you missed him.  :?

Cata: Well, that's not what I meant. I meant that I missed to kick his butt out of this battle.  }:|

Sand/ Kaede: Yeah... right... Sure thing...  

Cata: I'm serious!

Sand/ Kaede: Sure you are...

Cata: Whatever. So are you coming or not?

[janus]

*note: Janus=Oniko
* back at Kuno's estate before leaving off to school

Tatewaki: Fear thy not by beloved maiden, for am I the one to nourish and protect....

Janus/oniko:(interrupts) when are we eating?

Tatewaki: indeed my dear (shouts) Sasuke Bring the edibles will you!

Sasuke: Sorry for my delay master it was because that....

Tatewaki: no excuse Sasuke, next time do it with more haste!

Sasuke: but...

Tatewaki: no buts!

Oniko: All right let's eat! :9

*after the first two servings of rice, Tatewaki drops his sticks, trembling unable to move

Sasuke: what I was trying to tell you master, that my delay was because Miss Kodachi offered herself to make your meal.

Tatewaki:(struggling to speak) How dare she, mixing a paralyzer on our rice!

Oniko: wha da you know, this doesn't affect me

*Kodachi enters the room

Kodachi: :> did you like my cooking brother dear?

Tatewaki: not I did!

*kodachi quickly turns to oniko

Kodachi: }:| who might you be!?

Oniko: it's none of your business!

Kodachi: Little respect huh!? you shall see! hahahaha!

tatewaki:(in the background,still paralyzed) wait!

*kodachi pulls a lever and brings out guard dogs that beguing to chase Oniko

Oniko:(while fleeing) when did I think this was going to be a good place to crash, better turn into a guy so i'll get a better chance with the hounds

*while running away, oniko/Janus stumbles with tatewaki's hot springs

Janus: I've hit the Jackpot! I was getting tired of this body anyway!

*Janus jumps and takes a dive, surfaces out, but realized that Hot spring water becomes cold spring water Leaving him still as a she oni

Janus: What happened!? I'm supposed to be back to my elder self! O__o

*Janus hears the hounds coming close, so he/she hides underwater until the dogs come and run somewhere else

[Cosmic King]

*Janus runs away to find Nekohanten Cafe to track his old teacher,Cologne*

Janus/Oniko:Cologne-sensei,i need yer help

Cologne:Who are ya,little girl? you remind of the guy that was my student and refused to marry my grandaughter

Janus/Oniko:It is me Janus,ya old fart,i fell into one jusenkyo pit and need yer help as someone put a spell over me,i cannot touch hot water

Cologne:I see,you came to me after what i did to Ranma Saotome,since you and me go way back i shall help ya,to remove da spell i need to press a special pressure point but since it could stop yer heart-beat i need ya to swallow one of the Dragon Pills

Janus/Oniko:Ok,what ya waiting for? gimme the pills

Cologne:Cant do,last time i had some was on 1985,but i call prepare them right here,i just need the Blood of One Wishing upon a Star as main ingredient

Janus/Oniko:That sounds as "moroboshi",i suppose i need samples of ataru blood

Cologne:Well,since u know have a woman body it shall be a piece of cake 4 ya

Janus/Oniko:Well,i shall get access to him...somehow,bye for now

*As Janus goes outside it begins to rain,he meditates how he who was the Romantic Shadow of Mystery has fell into such strange aspects of life;suddenly he is spotted by Cosmic King wearing one of his multiple disguises*



Cosmic:I presume you are the one named Janus,right?

Janus/Oniko:Yeah,why?

Cosmic:Take this envelope,it is for an event Alumxander is preparing,i suppose there we will meet some of our friends,btw,why you look as an oni girl?

Janus:Long tale,right now i hafta return to Kuno house and then track Ataru

Cosmic:Good luck on that,janus (leaves)

*Janus sneaks into Kuno House's basement as he knew they stored food there,4 days have passed and Janus finally gets some info of Ataru whereabouts,just when he was gonna leave for him,Kuno appears*

Kuno:Ohh,oniko,truly i thought u were gone forever,fair maiden,may the gods be praised as you have returned

Janus/Oniko:(nervous laugh) Yeah,i was also worried about not seein ya

Kuno:It is a shame you couldnt come for school,i daresay,but dont worry you can come with me as i am representing Furinkan High as Kendo champion versus one fella named Shutaro Mendo at Tomobiki High,it is gonna be at the Niou Tower

Janus:(thinking) what a lucky shot,exactly where ataru is gonna be  (normal) ohh,thank you,tachi,of course i am gonna go

*Once they arrive at the Niou Tower,janus/oniko splits from Kuno group to track Ataru*

Janus:Now where is Ataru?

*Janus overhears some of the classic Lum/Ataru discussions,apparentlly Ataru goes to the balcony nearby*

Janus:This is me chance (takes out a small blade,test tube and a demon mask) this way he wont recognize me even in my female form (begins to sneak behind ataru and speaks to him in a gentle voice) ohh,ataru?

Ataru:Yeah,who is it?

*Janus jumps to attack ataru*



*Lum notices this attack*

Lum:Stay away from my darling!!!!!!



*Lum's attack knocks out Janus/Oniko,and mounts him/her to deliver some punches*

Lum:Look at this darling,each punch i give to her is just how much i love ya (begins to deliver very strong punches) and I LOVE YOU A LOT !!!  >

*Lum breaks Oniko mask*

Lum:I think i over-reacted 

Ataru:Hey,it is just a pretty girl....with horns? could she be one of yer relatives,Lum?

Lum:Darling,i havent seen her before

Ataru:No matter,lum,i know u attacked her defending me,i appreciate that,but she needs some medical help (grabs Oniko in a lusty hug) allow me to pass you some of my vital energy,what is it ya say? that yer chest is where i should rest my face and pass da energy? so be it  :9~ :9~ :9~ :9~

Lum:DARLING !!!!

*Lum grabs him and delivers her classic Heaven Punishment*

[alumxander]

(Our brave hero witness this thanks to the waters of time)

Alumxander:That will teach Janus-ary,no one messes with me

Zombie:Righht,bossss

Alumxander:Remind me of sending another spell to make him fall in love with Kuno later,right now what worries me is the costumed dance

Zombie:.....

Alumxander:Were all the invitations sent?

Zombie:Yessss

Alumxander:Well,i dont see any problem if i visit my old foe

(I become wind and travel to Cata department,she is there cleaning the same sword she used to kill me)

Cata:It is you !!

Alumxander:Yeah,you have no idea how much i wanted to see you,how about a warm up before the costume dance?

[cata]

Cata: I am busy, you know?  }:|

Alumxander: I see. But my party is much more important. 

Cata: As if...!  :&

Alumxander: So, do you accept my dance invitation? 

Cata (shy laugh): eheheh... you see... eheheh... there's no music. 

Alumxander: That's not a problem. (claps his hands twice and suddenly both of they begin to hear "music for couples")

Cata: Wow... I can't dance with you anyway because this is a battle!

Alumxander: Well, it's a battle but we can make a break, right? I bet that you don't want to dance with me because you can't dance. 

Cata (lieing): I can dance! In fact, I'm a great dancer!  :*) (thinking) Why did I say that? I'm so doomed! 

Alumxander: Then show it! 

Cata: Ok!

Cata aproaches Alumxander and he grabs her hand and back and both start dancing.

[alumxander]

Alumxander:Probably it is your first time dancing,cata,relax

Cata:I am trying but there is a feeling in my heart that makes me feel...

Alumxander:If it makes ya comfortable,i shall lead you in the dance,just dont step on my feet with those boots

(Our brave lead the young girl into a couple song,she remains very shy but follows the steps i teach her)

Alumxander:I will say you still need practice,tell you what,come to my home at 6 pm for dance lessons,i can teach you in one week all you need as the festivity will be in 2 weeks

Cata:Thank you

Alumxander:Now if you excuse me,i have business with a friend,an oni pal

(I return home,i witness how "Oniko" is returning to Kuno House,it is very easy for me to spray him with the Cloud of Cupid,ohh,it is so easy i dunno if i attack him right now)

[Cosmic King]

*Oniko enters his secret house on da Kuno Family basement,there he/she recuperates from Lum's attack*

Janus:I was lucky to gather some of ataru blood when lum bit him with her fangs,now that i have delivered it to Cologne,i just have to wait so i can touch hot water again

*later on Janus goes with Cologne*

Janus:Is it ready,old fart?

Cologne:Yeah,yeah,just swallow it and pray that i dont kill you with the pressure point

Janus:(eats da dragon pill) gimme yer best shot

Cologne:Ok.here i go...TENHA NO KAMAE!!!

*Janus feels a giant agony around 3 minutes,he falls unconcious*

Cologne:Shampoo !!! bring him to a bed,he needs to rest as the operation was a success

Shampoo:Ok

*2 hours later Janus awakens after cologne throws hot water on him*

Janus:Arrrrrgghhh,it hurts,i finally can touch hot water,i am a man again

Cologne:Aye,but only as long as cold water dont touch you all da time,i shall keep researching on yer curse's cure

Janus:Domo arigato,is there a way to repay ya?

Cologne:Well,u can marry Shampoo

Janus:WHAT?!?

Cologne:I was joking,janus....but seriously one day i am gonna make you marry Shampoo when you become one of the strongest on earth

Janus:...Ok,bye bye

[alumxander]

(Witnessing that somehow Janus had a trick under his sleeve,i leave to my house to gather all the material i am gonna need to teach Cata how to dance as she has the reflects of a baby)

Alumxander:I am such a good teacher,after i finish teaching her,she is gonna dance on the winds,i am sure of it

Zombie:What about your vengeance on Janusssss?

Alumxander:He is already doomed cause all this week is gonna be rainy days with a lot of cold

(I return back to cata department)

Cata:You came back

Alumxander:Yeah,and i came to give you double dance lessons,think you can keep up,little valkyrie?

[cata]

Cata: Little Valkyrie?  Watch your mouth. You are just a newbie around here. The party is tonight and I have learn all I needed to learn.  :*)

Alumxander: You must be joking. Yesterday you couldn't even dance without watching your feet.

Cata: Well, it is going to be party. And I will do everything I do in other parties: eat, eat, chat and eat. 

Alumxander: Don't you dance?  ???

Cata: Not really. 

Alumxander: What a weird girl you are. 

Cata: I'm not weird. I'm unique. 

Alumxander: Let me tell you, in my party, everyone has to dance. And it's me who is going to make the dance pairs. 

Cata: Whatever. For food, I'll do anything...  :9

Alumxander: We shall see tonight. 

[alumxander]

Alumxander:For food? I see,so be it

(I magically summon a Cake,i put it into a mine field that can only be passed with certain steps of solo dance)

Alumxander:Show me you can get to the cake,one wrong step and BOOM

Cata:It seems dangerous but i am not gonna chicken out

(Still having fear,cata barely survives my little test)

Alumxander:Have a small piece of cake,little valkyrie,i see you still need my particular teachings,first of all,the way you dress

Cata:(full mouth) What is wrong with it?

Alumxander:Dont speak with the mouth full

Cata:Sorry,alumxander-san

Alumxander:Ok,well,you dress as if you were some kind of Vampire Queen,in a party you arent allowed to go like that,i am afraid we will have to go shop you the proper clothing of a lady

[cata]

Cata: What?!?! You said it was a costume party. So it is supposed not to be dressed with a normal outfit, you know?