Topic: For the Relationship Challenged

[UruseiNeo]

I think it's about time I get this off my chest.

The contents of my previous post took place on December 23rd. As I mentioned, she said she wanted to wait until school settles in, so as far as her answer went, let's call that a "Maybe"

Feel free to call me the most idiotic person on the face of the planet for this; I waited until January 29th to ask her again about going out. That was my plan, all things considered... But then I found out, through facebook no less, that she had changed her relationship status to "in a relationship" no more than a few hours before I was going to send her the message....

This is the second time my timing has been absolutely hellbent and kicking dirt in my face.

My cousin tells me that she messaged Vendor-Hime (A name I should probably stop using now). Apparently, a friend she has known for about 2.5 years asked her to be his girlfriend and she said yes. How much time took place between the question and the reply, I don't know. However, I found myself completely confused, embarrassed, and more depressed than I've ever been before.

However... me and my cousin still had a gift for her, which we bought weeks prior, that we still had to give to her since she got us Christmas gifts. ffs, I still can't understand why she would do that in the first place.... Anyways...

So I had my cousin message her, to meet with us. Me and my cousin had planned to go to SakMe anyways, so we were going to see if she wanted to meet us there to get her gift and then maybe browse with us like old times.

She replies that she'd like to go... but she wanted to know if she could bring her boyfriend...

Can I die now? I'm actually asking you -_-'''

I couldn't really say no, though... my cousin however was having a huge fit. She called it "poor taste" to invite her boyfriend. At this point... I wondered if she was even AWARE that I liked her -_-''' But hey, we got another message from her saying that her bf may not show and it would be just us 3.

That's nice right? Or maybe it was a really really really mean game because...

February 5th...

We waited for her at the entrance to SakMe... and she brought him anyway...

I kinda forgot how nice her personality was though T_T It's hard to be mad at her... Not like she really did anything wrong, right?

We had some fun, I guess. That night I sent her a messaged. First I apologized for not messaging her when I said I would, said we had fun and we would ask her again next time we decide to shop, and to enjoy the gift. She messaged back thanking us for the gifts, and apologized for getting my name wrong (she pronounced my name wrong when we met at the store), and to text her when we decide to go again.

Since then, I try to comment on her wall posts whenever necessary and such...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's all I got... someone turn this story into an anime plot for me.

At this point, at this current moment, I am broken.

I am getting more depressed everyday...
I want to cry, I had cried the night we last met...
I can't forget any of this, there's too much to forget...

I feel like she is either ignorant of the situation, is playing a game with me, or just doesn't see how big a deal it is (at least to me. She probably sees me more of a stranger than I thought she did)

Maybe she never actually liked me to begin with, and misunderstood that I had been trying to ask her out on a date.

Maybe she did realize but was just too nice to say no and reject me, so chose to do it in an indirect way such as getting a boyfriend.

I don't know... I wish I knew... I hoped that knowing could help me ease my pain and cope with the situation.

This could have been my only chance to start a relationship with someone... to the best of my knowledge nobody else has ever seemed to show any interest in me.  The chances that I find somebody else feels so slim, so impossible, and if that's the case then what the hell am I doing here?

I can't focus...
I lay in bed thinking about all this... thinking up different explanations for how this all came to be and different scenarios of what may come...
What the hell did I do to deserve this... WHY IS THE UNIVERSE PUNISHING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

The stupid thing is that I can't blame her for any of this... I can't even blame her boyfriend... because if she had chosen me instead of him, then he would be in the same situation as I am right now... I couldn't possibly wish that on another person.

I need help........

[cata]

I think you should meet new people. It was a hard thing for me to do but after some years, I decided to do it and it worked for me. It doesn't mean that you won't be able to be friends with her but it'll help you getting her out of your head. You may even find some girls to your liking that are single and interested in you.

[UruseiNeo]

Uh huh... there's the problem, I wouldn't know where to look.

[FallinG_StaR]

Man... I was starting to get scared... I was thinking "Please don't let the last sentence be Goodbye World".

You need to talk to her, because what you're feeling right now is mental stress and anxiety because of the fact you never got the chance to talk to her properly and say what you feel about her. Even if its too late you should try opening up to her it doesn't matter anymore what she says but you will feel better.

Btw, you're young and you already giving up on love?

This could have been my only chance to start a relationship with someone... to the best of my knowledge nobody else has ever seemed to show any interest in me.

Some people may be like you... you never know what their feelings are because they never get them out of their chest.

Do you think you're the only one that was or is in this type of situation? I was... and most likely everyone that has a heart and feelings. I never quit and until I get married (jailed for life) I will keep going after girls... or guys (Hey... we never know)

So... just be happy... you will never forget this completely (believe me I know) but it will be good for you next time you wont do the same mistakes.

Btw, I think your story was already made into a anime... and the guy always finds a new girlfriend... you just need to make it happen... don't wait for the others to come to you... get over your shyness... its just holding you back.

... Ok... I think I need to stop now... Or else this will be a very long post  :X

[UruseiNeo]

I've already pointed out that I'm too stubborn to give up.  I plan on living out my life and shoving my success in the universe's face.  That's my solution to a "Me vs the universe" situation.

I can't talk to her.  It's not fair to burden her with my stress.  I mentioned that I couldn't wish my stress on another person (exampled her current bf) and so there's no way I could purposely push stress onto her.

I'm already feeling better talking about it here.  To be truthful, part of the agonizing pain was thinking about every single thing I just wrote there.  It's out of my head now, I can feel the same satisfaction a writer or another person with an idea in their head gets when they finally get their idea out of their head and on paper.

As for giving up... I wouldn't say I've totally quit.  At this point in my life, the odds are against me.  I am either at school or at work all day monday to friday. Hours between are used to eat, sleep, or preparation for course exams, quizzes and other projects. On the weekends, I need to read a number of chapters for the following week's lectures, as well as preparation for a least one major exam/project.  With so much of my time used up, my social interactions boil down to the people sitting around me on the bus/sky train, my co-workers (I am the absolute youngest, so NO) and the students in my courses who are probably just as busy as me.  I don't have the time.

That aside, I would also need to meet a specific kind of person. A girl, preferably asian, who is a reasonable anime fan, who is within my age group.  It's hard to find girls who are into anime at all, so like I said before... the odds are pretty much against me.  This will take time, but I feel that the fact I just considered "options" AS an option is a step towards relief of this stress.

What was probably eating at me the hardest was the fact that I was so close, and the universe just took the opportunity away from me and at the exact moment I was planning to make a move.

In the future, I still plan to try and be friends with her... but I don't think I will continue this for much longer. I may meet up with her one or two more times, but I plan to eventually start locking her out of my life. It should be easy, considering the fact that the only way we'd see each other in person is to plan to meet.  The only communication left would be facebook, which I could simply block her from. 

To be honest, I don't think she wants to be friends, or at the very least is afraid that I'm going to do something stupid because I don't want to be friends (which I believe is the reason she felt like she needed to invite her boyfriend).  Unless I send her a direct message, or if other people also commented on a post, she doesn't reply to me when I comment on her posts.  I think it'll be easy for her if I locked her out.  She seems to have more fun conversing with my cousin than with me.  I haven't made a significant influence in her life, so I don't think she'd be losing anything important.  She barely knows me, I'll pretty much be a stranger to her, I feel like I already am.

With that I say.......... Goodbye World.... I will miss you all

....

Okay, that was probably a cruel joke, towards FallinG_StaR, but ideas are meant to get out of the head :p

[cata]

Girls who like Anime are rare? In what universe do you live in?!?!?! They're everywhere! Not as much as "normal" girls but there are lots of them around. And if that's what you really look for in a girl, try going to Anime conventions and similar events.

[UruseiNeo]

Our Anime Convention got cancelled this year -_-'''

And it's not like I can just walk up to a girl and ask if she likes anime :p

Maybe where you are, it's not rare, but here its hard to find ANYONE who watches anime.

[Kroptik]

Girls who like Anime are rare? In what universe do you live in?!?!?! They're everywhere! Not as much as "normal" girls but there are lots of them around. And if that's what you really look for in a girl, try going to Anime conventions and similar events.

My universe is pretty close to yours and I still fail to see a lot of girls who are anime fans...
And I mean actually fans, not the people who just watch One Piece or Naruto (though not really otakus either, let's not go overboard).

[UruseiNeo]

There, you see? Not that easy.

I mean... look at this forum... Aside from Cata, what other girls do we have? (Forgive me if I forgot someone, though I tend not to look at the gender for users)

[foxhead556]

Where do u guys live? I live in NY and i dont think finding female anime fans is hard. Lets see my gf likes anime a bit,i have some female friends who like anime and i knew a bunch when i was in HS. But anyways urusei u should just try to find new friends like cata said. If there are billions of people on earth im sure 1 of them fit your needs but u just gotta find her.

[cata]

Most my "Anime" friends don't visit Forums like this. xD

But like seriously, if you can't find "Anime" people what the heck are you doing? xD

Do you scare people away or what? But anyways, if you can't find them, make them. I mean, present Anime to your friends and make them into it.

[UruseiNeo]

If there are billions of people on earth im sure 1 of them fit your needs but u just gotta find her.

Are you saying I should look in every single country??? :p

Anyways, pretty much all my friends already like anime.  What made you think that -friends- was the problem? o.o

[foxhead556]

@urusei well not that extreme but where ever u live im sure out of the thousands of people that live there... and im sure u gotten my pt by now

[FallinG_StaR]

Anyways, pretty much all my friends already like anime. What made you think that -friends- was the problem? o.o

I loled...

That aside, I would also need to meet a specific kind of person. A girl, preferably asian, who is a reasonable anime fan, who is within my age group.  It's hard to find girls who are into anime at all, so like I said before... the odds are pretty much against me.

Maybe... this may sound crazy and a bit sarcastic but... You shouldn't be that specific... I mean we're talking about love... not looking for a house to live in... if you get what I mean.

Btw, like in all dating Sims close friends are just one step away from girlfriend... having more than one increases the number of possible girlfriends...

[UruseiNeo]

Except that my friends amount to either

1) my cousin (the one I've referred to in previous posts)

2) Mike.... Co-host of our show

3) Mike's younger cousins. Female sure... but they are 14 or under... I know exactly what just popped into FallinG's head and NO

4) People I know from school who I don't really consider "friends" cause I don't hang out with them at all.

Anyways I don't think I was being too specific... Obvious I should be with someone my own age for one thing.  I find that asians (specifically  Japanese or Chinese) seem to have a tendency to like anime, but I can't know for sure.