Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 28, 2024, 06:17:55 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Recent topics

[December 15, 2023, 09:30:30 PM]

[December 06, 2023, 09:24:00 PM]

[September 29, 2023, 09:13:58 PM]

[June 23, 2023, 09:37:46 PM]

[February 25, 2023, 09:15:07 AM]

[February 01, 2023, 08:57:58 PM]

[December 30, 2022, 09:48:45 PM]

[December 17, 2022, 07:49:07 PM]

[December 17, 2022, 07:29:07 PM]

[December 01, 2022, 11:32:27 PM]

[November 26, 2022, 12:16:37 AM]

[November 19, 2022, 05:05:36 PM]

[November 11, 2022, 09:07:28 AM]

[November 06, 2022, 01:52:53 PM]

[November 06, 2022, 12:41:22 PM]
Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 42136
  • Total Topics: 1983
  • Online Today: 24
  • Online Ever: 389
  • (October 25, 2018, 03:41:03 PM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 15
Total: 15

Author Topic: Ataru really Do mean it.  (Read 18055 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline sidzero

  • Psychotic Fan
  • ******
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: +463/-8
  • Gender: Male
    • www.sidzero.com
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2008, 01:34:44 PM »
Um, no offense or anything, but is does anyone have a kyo-to-english dictionary handy? Trying to read that last post is making my brain hurt. Something about having a crappy life in the real world because of some self-imposed restriction on showing emotion? So you live in this fantasy world based on UY to deal with it? Escapism isn't the way to cope with reality. Denying yourself isn't the way to deal with it either. You're still in school. You know what school is for, right? It's a place for you to learn. The biggest mistake (in my opinion) that teenagers make when it comes to school is not realizing it for what it is, and not taking advantage of it. Consider this: Do you really think that the ONLY thing you learn in school is what they teach (or try to teach) in class? Or have you considered the possibility that by forcing you to be around all those people that you may or may not like is teaching you another lesson? Teaching you how to cope with people in a stressful situation, so that when you get out into the real world, you're armed with that knowledge. You're ALWAYS going to have people you don't like, no matter who you are, or what you do in life. Those people can be above you, below you, or equal to you. If you can't deal with them, you're just going to find yourself in situations that become worse and worse the further into things you get.

The reason they don't make sense to me is because I can't understand what the hell you're talking about more often than not when you post. Maybe you're not very good with the english language for some reason, I don't know. But please don't get all pissed off when someone like me comes along and tells you that they can't understand your stories because of it. Even if I could read what you were writing, who's to say I would enjoy your stories anyway? Being creative can be a double-edged sword (and a pretty sharp one) when you share that creativity with others. By sharing it, you have to be willing to accept the fact that you WILL be criticized. Trust me on this, I've been an artist and writer for about 20 years now... ever since I was early in grade school. And think of it this way, if you don't have criticism, how would you get any better? Without outside views on what you're doing wrong, how would you know what you focus on improving? If you want advice, I could easily give it to you. I know I need it sometimes. But just because one person doesn't like what you have to offer doesn't mean you have to take it personally, or get upset about it. Think of it as "just one person" and brush it off. When they don't like what you have to say, ask them why. If they can't tell you why, then what does their opinion matter? If they can tell you why, and it's something you don't agree with, again, write it off as "just one person" and go with what you feel is right. It's your work after all, and it's not like you're doing it to get paid. You're doing it for your own enjoyment, really. Now, if someone doesn't like it, and they give you a good reason why... then why get defensive about it? Think along the lines of "Hey, you're right! I really do need to work on that! Let me fix it and try again!" Otherwise you'll just keep making the same mistakes.

And like I said, the biggest criticism I have of your work is that I can't understand what you're saying. My suggestion is that you self-edit. Go over what you write before you post it, and make sure it makes sense.
Excuse me, have you seen my mind? I seem to have misplaced it...

Offline Forgotten_Lum

  • Casual Otaku
  • *******
  • Posts: 2,351
  • Karma: +43/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • UY shall never be forgotten
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2008, 05:22:02 PM »
wow sidzero, you truly are blunt, you must be th life of the party, but hey, your just one person, it's true that your fic has bad grammar, kyo, but it's also an interesting fic. sidzero may not be able to understand your fic because he is conditioned to proper english and can't read and interpret what someone is trying to say. I do alot of rereading on many fanfics just so i get very bit of info i can out of it to understand the story, sometimes i even fill in missing words, but who cares, i enjoy reading other peoples works because i know i could never be that creative as the author.

If need be so we dont run into a conversation again, and certainly I hope we dont because this ruins the forum, you can send me the next chapter and i'll format it so that others can understand it better

P.S. a daughter of lum fic, careful kyo, that's dangerous ground, be prepared for a decent amount of critisism, especially on plot holes, some fans still have a hard time with wedding fics
« Last Edit: February 17, 2008, 05:25:15 PM by Forgotten_Lum »
This is Jenga lol :)

Offline DarkDevil

  • Otaku
  • ********
  • Posts: 3,923
  • Karma: +170/-1
  • Gender: Male
  • My dark heart belongs to Lum
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2008, 05:53:57 PM »
I'm with you, sidzero, but may I informe you that is there a topic for rages, such as that.
DarkDevil, king of the Demons.
Servent of Lum Invader.

Offline sidzero

  • Psychotic Fan
  • ******
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: +463/-8
  • Gender: Male
    • www.sidzero.com
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2008, 06:33:59 PM »
wow sidzero, you truly are blunt, you must be th life of the party, but hey, your just one person, it's true that your fic has bad grammar, kyo, but it's also an interesting fic. sidzero may not be able to understand your fic because he is conditioned to proper english and can't read and interpret what someone is trying to say. I do alot of rereading on many fanfics just so i get very bit of info i can out of it to understand the story, sometimes i even fill in missing words, but who cares, i enjoy reading other peoples works because i know i could never be that creative as the author.

Yes, I am blunt. I see no need to sugar coat things to protect people's feelings. I prefer to take a more honest approach, something a real artist should appreciate. I never much cared to be the "life of the party." I never much cared for anyone else's opinions unless they were beneficial to me.

And it's not so much that I don't understand it, I just don't have the patience to have to read a sentence 3, 4, even 5 times just to figure out what he's saying so I can move on to the next one and do it all over again. A little grammatical error or a few spelling errors here or there... yeah, ok, I could deal with that. But when it gets to the point where my brain starts telling me that the only way I'm going to figure out what's going on with a story is if I edit it myself and THEN read it... it takes all the enjoyment out of reading something, and I'd rather not do that. It's not like I have to read anything. I don't read things like this because I see it there and the brain just clicks on and tells me "oh look, something to read... must read it." I read things because they interest me and I enjoy reading things that interest me. If I can't enjoy reading it... then what the hell exactly is the point in reading it. It's not like it's useful information that I absolutely must read or I'll somehow forget how to breathe.

Also, I wouldn't call that a rage. I call that me trying to explain myself so the kid doesn't take my criticism personally. He's got a desire to write. I understand it. Those that have a desire to create must fulfill that desire or they won't be satisfied. He will continue to have that desire until it burns out. If he doesn't fulfill that desire, he will never be satisfied. I know, I'm the same way. When someone creates, they want to share, hence him posting it. Those who share, want to know what other people think of what they're sharing, regardless of whether or not they care what the people they're sharing with think. Criticism is an important part of that feedback. It helps us know that this thing that we expend so much of our energy on is thought of by others. It also lets us know where our skills (or talents) can be improved. It's the same regardless of whatever it is that's being created. I started to detect the signs that the kid doesn't take criticism to well (looks to me like he takes it too personally), so to try and help him understand that the criticism (at least from me) isn't directed at HIM but at the work, I feel I have to go into these lengthy rants. Trust me, in the end, it's much more helpful this way. I've been doing this comments and criticism thing online for a very, VERY long time. I like to think in that time I've learned a little about helping people push their creativity, and all the things that come with it, to higher levels. :)
Excuse me, have you seen my mind? I seem to have misplaced it...

Offline kyo

  • Big Fan
  • ****
  • Posts: 208
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2008, 04:11:21 AM »
calm down sidzero, I said this was my first fanfic. I would not have made stories like these if I did not want criticism in fact I welcome it. you a pro on this, I'm just trying to get the demons out of my head. the hardest part of being a writer is when your idea shift back and forth you want to move on a bigger project but you still working on the current one. ( I prayed that came out clear.)  :@
"darling, you give too much thought to what is real and what is not, to what is true and what is false. I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are. Forego your control, your discipline. and take me with you.

lum plea to kyo final chapter of sins of the family.

Offline sidzero

  • Psychotic Fan
  • ******
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: +463/-8
  • Gender: Male
    • www.sidzero.com
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2008, 03:01:41 PM »
Hmmm, I wasn't aware I wasn't calm. Funny how places like these, people like to see meanings beyond that which is there. It's like looking at a toaster and saying "wow, that is one pissed off toaster" when we all know... toasters don't get pissed off. Well, mine doesn't at least.

Anyway, I wouldn't say I was a pro. Pro's make money at it. I just know a lot, and enjoy the things I do. Yes, that did come out clear, I congratulate you. :)

And I agree 100%. That's my biggest problem, as well. I can't keep up with all the ideas I have. You wouldn't believe how many... unfinished productions I have here or there. Not to mention the many ideas that, while great ideas, never got much further than just that. Fortunately I have a fantastic memory, and can manage to keep a hold on most of them somewhere inside my brain.
Excuse me, have you seen my mind? I seem to have misplaced it...

Offline kyo

  • Big Fan
  • ****
  • Posts: 208
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #21 on: March 20, 2008, 03:48:19 PM »
ATARU REALLY DO MEAN IT

By Kyo


It seem like ataru badluck is true to form. Mr.invader mendo/lum stormtroopers was all ready to ambush.  �Hey uh� ten can you go get lum for me?�  Because it about to get dangerous in here�  Ten didn�t� have to look hard for lum, she was flying to her room already to see what was all the commotion. Inside she found everybody injured and that ataru was trying to stand up but collapse.   

�Dadd- daddy what happen here�? Lum question. �Lum as your father I cant� Let you marry this boy�. �He using you for your body, he don�t� really to marry you� .  Lum have a look of rage in her eyes and grab ataru by the collar. I knew it was too good to be true!

Ataru cant� help but look surprise at lum.  The engagement is off ataru. Ataru could not believe his ears he tried to offer a word in his defense but could not say anything.  �Ten! You know what we was talking about please tell lum�!  Ten turn his back on ataru. �Ten please��  begged ataru the little boy sat next to his uncle. �Okay ataru said so that how you choose your allies?  Fine I leave, this belongs to you. He gave lum a letter and waved his farewells to everyone. Then he only took cherry back to earth. (Yes, he left his parents and Lum stormtroopers on planet uru.)

Two days later�

Ataru was finish un-packing in his new house. He owned it to mendo who �funded� his new living quarters. He brought the house two months ago so �she� and ataru could live there, but that dream went to hell, now it was just him he had to check on his parent�s house everyday. It was 10:47 pm if he did not go to bed now he was going be late for school.

That night Ataru could hardly sleep, he was worried about lum, would she still loves him if he say I love you?  �Funny if you think about it I never got the chance to Say how much I love her� Ataru said. That night all ataru could do was think about lum. Finally he went in a deep sleep.

 At 6:16 he got up and got ready for school. An hour later he sat in his seat and examined the classroom none of the stormtroopers was there or mendo and lum was nowhere to be seen.  �Good� he thought �they still gone�. Onsen mark started class and could not keep his eyes off ataru hand. Nether could the girls who were surprised to see ataru back so early. He even stops class for a moment just to see what wrong with ataru.


T After that the day went by normal until shinobu asks to see ataru at the tea house. When he got there she was sitting at a table on the second floor. �Hello ataru� she said. �Hey� he answers. �Can I ask you a question about lum�? Her name hit him like a brick.  �Why is she not at school and where are mendo and the others�? Ataru told her everything that happened and when he was finish shinobu sat quiet.

 Ã¯Â¿Â½Now I know what you thinking why did I let her go�?  �Simple to tell you the truth I don�t� trust myself either�. �I was so happy when I propose I didn�t even think about the future�, hell I didn�t even get to say I love you lum.�  Her father just looking out for his only daughter.  So here I am in a tea shop with you pouring my heart out and the ironic part is she wanted to get married. And I agreed with her, now she don�t� want me, sad isn�t� it? But hey it is fate. (He mimic cherry hand signs) shinobu could not help to laugh. But she saw that he eyes was red. Are you going to be okay?

�No I�m not going be okay, I was getting used to us being a family, I even have names For when we Have a child.� Ataru said lost in thought.  �So How about the others?� shinobu ask with uncertainty.  �They still on planet uru, I had to call the salt mines and tell them my father is �injured�.

�Look shinobu as much as I enjoy talking to you I have to Go home.� On that note ataru pay the tab and left the teashop. for shinobu this is got to be the first time ataru Never grab her or ask her for her number and address (even though he has it already).  Maybe ataru losing lum can be the best thing that happens to females since they invented sliced bread.


(Okay I went back and fix the errors� the god forsaken errors. }:|  This is from my computer the original rough draft of chapter four)
« Last Edit: January 25, 2009, 01:17:10 PM by Lum-chan »
"darling, you give too much thought to what is real and what is not, to what is true and what is false. I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are. Forego your control, your discipline. and take me with you.

lum plea to kyo final chapter of sins of the family.

Offline cata

  • Otaku
  • ********
  • Posts: 4,016
  • Karma: +1245/-7
  • Gender: Female
  • Cata, the Valkyrie Moderator
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #22 on: March 20, 2008, 07:56:14 PM »
Ok "Lum-aholics", if you want to get rid of your frustrations, do it in NB or so. Now, back to the topic: Kyo, I like your story and I think you have great creativity and imagination. If you want, you can ask any Moderator to correct your fanfics without changing the story.

Offline UruseiNeo

  • Casual Otaku
  • *******
  • Posts: 2,118
  • Karma: +1260/-12
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #23 on: March 20, 2008, 07:59:47 PM »
Way to go Kyo! Revised version looks awesome. Do you plan making the next chapter?


  URUSEI YATSURA EPISODES!!! At www.youtube.com/Neo1Fox & www.veoh.com/users/NeoYatsura

Offline kyo

  • Big Fan
  • ****
  • Posts: 208
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #24 on: March 20, 2008, 10:49:50 PM »
Way to go Kyo! Revised version looks awesome. Do you plan making the next chapter?
half way done urusei neo
Posted on: March 20, 2008, 09:26:04 PM
URUSEI YATSURA ' ATARU REALLY DO MEAN IT- chapter five- LOVE LOST AND REGAIN.

(What happen to lum after ataru left?)


Lum look at the spaceship carrying away her Ex. Fiance, how can he do that to her? He never really loves her in the first place, but still it was so right.
 She look at the letter ataru have given her, it was mark with a seal that look like a teardrop. She opens the letter and began to read what it said:
 
“If you reading this letter lum, its means we're not together anymore.
  I can't believe that it didn't work out! I was getting use to the idea     That we would always be one but it was never meant to be. I guess its my Fault, I'm so shy and insecure that I ruined my chance at  happiness But it was fun while it Lasted. So Just so you know             (you never know)
  That I will always love you lum.
  P.S have a wonderful and Romantic life !!!'

Lum eyes begin to filled with tears as she re-read the letter over and over again.
Finally Lum scream 'DARLING!'   she rushed To her window To see The ship leave.
“I won't be able to see Ataru for two whole weeks, By than he already have someone new !!!

sorry, have Trouble on that last one hope you understood it.              only two Chapters left anyway...
« Last Edit: January 17, 2011, 12:53:40 AM by Lum-chan »
"darling, you give too much thought to what is real and what is not, to what is true and what is false. I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are. Forego your control, your discipline. and take me with you.

lum plea to kyo final chapter of sins of the family.

Offline UruseiNeo

  • Casual Otaku
  • *******
  • Posts: 2,118
  • Karma: +1260/-12
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #25 on: March 20, 2008, 11:15:14 PM »
Everyone! We must go to Planet Uru and bring Lum back to Earth!

Actually I have a question. What is the planet's official name? Is it Uru? I've heard Oniboshi before too.


  URUSEI YATSURA EPISODES!!! At www.youtube.com/Neo1Fox & www.veoh.com/users/NeoYatsura

Offline cata

  • Otaku
  • ********
  • Posts: 4,016
  • Karma: +1245/-7
  • Gender: Female
  • Cata, the Valkyrie Moderator
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #26 on: March 20, 2008, 11:19:16 PM »
I think both names refer to the Lum's planet and both names are correct. I'm not sure, though.

Offline kyo

  • Big Fan
  • ****
  • Posts: 208
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #27 on: March 21, 2008, 12:30:36 AM »
Everyone! We must go to Planet Uru and bring Lum back to Earth!

Actually I have a question. What is the planet's official name? Is it Uru? I've heard Oniboshi before too.
I heard its was oni star
"darling, you give too much thought to what is real and what is not, to what is true and what is false. I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are. Forego your control, your discipline. and take me with you.

lum plea to kyo final chapter of sins of the family.

Offline sidzero

  • Psychotic Fan
  • ******
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: +463/-8
  • Gender: Male
    • www.sidzero.com
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #28 on: March 21, 2008, 10:46:01 AM »
Oniboshi IS "Oni Star" (you know, the same way Moroboshi is "Falling Star"). I've heard both names given, though Oniboshi only in the Anime. It would make sense to me if the planet was Uru, and the star was Oniboshi, much like in our star system, our planet is Earth, and our star is Sol.


Kyo, you're getting a little better, though I still think you could use an editor.
Excuse me, have you seen my mind? I seem to have misplaced it...

Offline cata

  • Otaku
  • ********
  • Posts: 4,016
  • Karma: +1245/-7
  • Gender: Female
  • Cata, the Valkyrie Moderator
Re: Ataru really Do mean it.
« Reply #29 on: March 22, 2008, 01:22:43 AM »
Sidzero: I think when you said "Sol" you wanted to say "Sun".