Topic: Weekly Crappy Fantasy Cinema 2000

[Cosmic King]

Hello,this new topic is to discuss about low budget or very strange movies in the MST3K tradition (more or less),so if you wanna cooperate,be my guest 

Today's film i wanna share is : Billy the Kid vs. Dracula



Western movies meet Horror movies in this crapstravaganza that it is so bad,you will love to watch it,i mean this movie is entertaining if have a boring evening

Synopsis:

Dracula decides he wants new blood in America so but inda trip he fails to drain the blood of a blonde (why alway blonde girls?!?) so he decides to hunt her down pretending he is her uncle,luckily she has Billy the Kid to help her,will the fastest gun beat an ancient evil?

Analysis:

A very sappy western movie,it seems as if problems will always swarm Billy the Kid,he just barely quit his criminal life and now that he finds a cool girl for him,he ha to battle vampires (welcome to Ataru Moroboshi's world,Billy),the movie is way too short ( 1 hour and 10 minutes apparently) so we dont get to understand it at all (i mean iif the movie has really something we should understand besides guns and acid trip situations) but well,if ya wanna laugh at the poor effects and corny dialogue and events,you can go for it...if ya find it 

Just to end this,i gotta say bullets cant kill vampires,so will Billy win? see 4 yerselves

Bonus Video:

Billy the Kid vs. Dracula : Final Battle

Bizarro Meter grade: 8.5 out of 10

[FallinG_StaR]

LoL... Well I give it a 9.0 out of 10... and remember if a vampire stalks you, just trow him something to the face... its better than holy water... LoL

The bat effect was very well made... I swear I didn't even see any wires... :& I was just expecting Batman to show up on that scene...

[janus]

Well I would give it a 7 out of 10 .
If you want to shooting him to death won't do, surely throwing a gun at him would work and hammering his chest with a knife should finish him off.

I was just expecting Batman to show up on that scene...

I he appeared in the scene it would have been like this:

[DarkDevil]

That was stupid.

[Necron 99]

Interesting review. Could you do one on Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky? It's one of the most hilarious kung-fu movies ever made.

[Cosmic King]

Today's film: Riki-Oh The Story of Ricky



This movie is what happens when Anime series meet Chinese live action flicks

Synopsis:

This is the saga of a violent martial artist that ends up in prison in the future,and you can bet there his life is a living hell,so he must battle his way to the top against other wild fighters and the jail's superhuman warden.It is a bloody way of life

Analysis:

The movie is highly addictive although it is heavily based on Hokuto No Ken (i bet most of ya already know Kenshiro) and some 80s kung fu movies as you may notice,this movie is no recommended for the weak of heart as it contains rivers of blood and gore (although inda end it gets funny even inda serious scenes <ex.last battle>),probably it could have been better if it had used more the original material and decided to avoid some corny and funny body moves and effects (for example one dude breaks the head of other with a x-ray fist) but if ya are a violence lover,this film is for ya

Bonus Videos:

Riki vs. Silly Lung & Wildcat

Riki vs. Hai the Yakuza Killer

Final Battle vs. The Warden...or is it Hulk? (Caution: A lot of blood  > )

Bizarro Meter Grade: 10 out of 10

[FallinG_StaR]

Hahaha... I liked the Riki vs. Hai fight... especially the part where he ties back the tendon...

Btw, doesn't anyone die because of excessive bleeding???

[Necron 99]

Here are some videos featuring the English dub of Story of Ricky:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJUJsaIAcP4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1rHQ4m_fdo (you have to confirm your birth date in order to view this video)

[Cosmic King]

Btw, doesn't anyone die because of excessive bleeding???

Probably,falling star,isnt there another reason? hehehehe

Imagine if a movie like this happened in da UY universe

[Necron 99]

I'd like to see "Lum's Courageous Duel! An Ironic Victory!" redone in the style of Story of Ricky. Just imagine Lum punching holes through Soban before tossing him into a meat grinder. :D)

Megane: We're gonna get you for killing Chibi!!! Yah!!! *slices off Soban's right hand*

[Cosmic King]

One can dream,necron99,one can dream

Anyways,if possible i shall start a crossover of Urusei Yatsura and Riki Oh

[Necron 99]

I plan to post a review of "The Incredible Melting Man" soon.

[Cosmic King]

Dont take long to post it,necron99,i bet you will make one hell of a review

[Necron 99]

Cast of Characters

The Incredible Melting Man - Formerly astronaut Steve West. Now, after being exposed to cosmic rays outside of Saturn's rings, he's the Incredible Melting Man! Kills numerous victims before melting into a puddle.
Doctor Ted Nelson - Let's face it. This guy cannot act. He spends the entire film with only one emotionless facial expression. Gets gunned down by two dimwitted security guards.
General Michael Perry - This guy bears a striking resemblance to Jonathan Winters. Chomped by Melting Man.
Sheriff Neil Blake - Doctor Ted Nelson's dimwitted companion. Thrown onto some electrical wires by Melting Man and becomes the Incredible Burning Man.
Judy Nelson - A normal housewife who is every bit as boring and emotionless as her husband. Spends most of the film knitting a sweater. Currently looking for a new husband. Did I mention that she was pregnant?
Matt - Jonathan Demme! Ah, who cares... A hick who gets killed by Melty.
Nell - Matt's wife. Slices off one of Melting Man's arms before having a nervous breakdown.
Harold and Helen - Horny elderly couple who steal lemons from a private lemon grove. Killed by Melting Man.
Fisherman - Man who looks like Bill Gates and has the misfortune of meeting the Melting Man. Melty rips his head off and tosses it into the river.
Janitor - The real hero of this film. Cleans up the

Review

After astronaut Steve West is exposed to cosmic rays outside of Saturn's rings, he slowly begins to melt overtime. He breaks out of the hospitol and kills a fat nurse, who by the way desperately needs to find a properly fitting uniform. Soon we meet Doctor Ted Nelson, the unofficial "hero" of this film. Ted Nelson concludes that the Melting Man kills people he needs human cells in order to stay alive. General Michael Perry and Dr. Ted Nelson who both are connected to the melting man, decide to keep it as a secret to the public, and the heroic Nelson goes out on a quest to find his former pal accompanied with his trustful Geiger counter (after having a pointless discussion with his pregnant wife about how they're out of crackers).

Meanwhile, Melting Man claims the life of an unsuspecting fisherman and tosses his head into the river. He then proceeds to scare the hell out of a little girl, whose friends have begun smoking at an early age. Later, we unexpectedly cut to a wacky (and rather horny) elderly couple. Melting Man finishes them off, punishing them for stealing lemons from a private lemon grove.

Then there's a short scene where he whacks his former General, and a very long scene where he kills a young pothead (played by Jonathan Demme) and chases his girlfriend around. You'd think that after she cuts his arm off with a meat cleaver and he runs away, the scene would shift. Sadly, we're treated to about ten minutes of the woman huddled into a corner panting and screaming in terror, even though the monster is gone. My guess is that she was the director's girlfriend or something...

For some reason, the Melting Man becomes stronger as he melts, and he gains the ability to run faster after his arm is severed! Anyway, our story starts to come to a close when Doctor Ted Nelson and Sheriff Neil Blake chase Steve to a power plant. Neil makes the mistake of pumping Melting Man full of shotgun shells, thus provoking him (let's face it; shooting a melting man is like shooting Jello). Melting Man tosses Neil onto some electrical wires, reducing Neil to a charred corpse. Ted Nelson tries to calm down Melty, but to no avail. Melty knocks him off the platform, leaving him clinging to the edge of the platform. But Ted Nelson's cries for help finally get to him, and he saves the doctor's life. Unfortunately, two idiotic security guards show up and gun down Ted Nelson when he shouts, "I'm Doctor Ted Nelson!", thus insuring that we have a happy ending (keep in mind that his wife is pregnant). I guess you shouldn't identify yourself as Doctor Ted Nelson while in the presence of security guards... Melty, provoked by this unnecessary carnage, kills the security guards. Finally, his reign of terror ends when he melts into a puddle of goo. The melting effects were provided by Rick Baker, by the way.

The next morning, a janitor with a mop saves the day by scooping up Melting Man's remains. At the same time, another space shuttle is launched into space, implying that NASA has learned nothing from the previous incident...

Things I Learned From This Movie

1.) Although this movie is about 80-minutes long, it feels more like Berlin Alexanderplatz!
2.) If you sever a monster's arm, it will only make him stronger and able to run faster.
3.) You can use "ATCHKA" as an expletive if necessary.
4.) Half-eaten turkey legs make very tepid, ironic statements.
5.) Sheriffs are full of pyrotechnics.
6.) NASA is staffed by two or three people tops, and they hire civilian doctors to head up the recovery program.
7.) Some nurses can't find properly fitting uniforms.
8.) Some cats can open the refrigerator, get the milk, bring the milk to the middle of the kitchen, throw it up into the air, drop it on the floor, and shatter it all over the place.
9.) If you're going to have a general over for dinner, you should have beer and turkey legs on hand.
10.) Lights, lighting, and actors aren't necessary to make a film.