Topic: Writing a Story

[UruseiNeo]

Lately I've been organizing a text based RPG at another forum. Basically people post what their characters do in the story, and the main moderator controls the main direction.

I've done this before, but this time I wanted to make something very original and coordinated so that one day, possibly, it could become a manga and then an anime.

Here's the basic run down of the plot so far. Actually, I'll let one of the main characters tell it just for fun.

My name is Maritan. Growing up, my dad told me a lot of stories. One story in particular was of the War of Dimensions. Fifteen years ago, before I was born, the universe I live in... I say that because you might not be from the same universe I am from... it was under great danger. An evil man named Nitro saught out to destroy the very core of the universe which would essentially revert the universe back to its original state and all current life would seize to exist.

Luckily for us, their were eight warriors that faught against Nitro. Each one had a special sword, these were called the Elemental Swords. They were so named because each weapon had power over a certain element; Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, Light, Shadow, Forest, and Spirit.

With the power of the eight elements, their combined strength was enough to defeat Nitro and bring the universe to peace again. However, the heroes knew that their weapons could one day bring trouble. They feared the misuse of their weapons and so agreed to have their weapons hidden. My father... was the hero of light who held the sword of light, "Heaven's Charm." That makes ME a direct descendant of a legendary hero! Cool right? I think so too, and it made me wanna become a warrior like my father.

So, I began to study magic. I specialize in White Magic and some Light Elemental Spells to keep to my father's symbol. My cousin started studying magic too, he specializes in Black Magic, though, and some Fire Elemental Magic. Boy, if I had known we'd get into such a crazy adventure, I would have packed a lunch. Because one day, we found ourselves in a place far from our home. A place called "Banshou"

That was essentially the prologue of the main story, what you needed to know before the story begins. Basically what happens at the beginning is our first two protagonists are found magic dueling. At the same time, a new villain disrupts what he thinks is the resting place of the 8 blades. The result of this action: The power of the 8 swords is released from their real resting place and the eight different powers are spread off into different universes. Two of which combine with Maritan and her cousin's swords to create the NEW Elemental Swords.

I'd like to go further into this, but this post is fairly long as it is. I'm gonna wait for replies before I go into real detail of the story.
 

[sidzero]

Sounds like typical fare for your average fantasy story. I can't really say it's necessarily good or bad based on what little you've given. Just not enough you've given us. All I can really tell is that you want your characters battling with magic and swords and you wanna start them off by stranding them somewhere. Post more.

[UruseiNeo]

Like I said, I didn't wanna have a long post.

Alright, I'm gonna move on to the characters which is one of my favorite parts because each character is unique.

In the RPG, I took the roll of:

Hiten: He has short green hair and red eyes. He can fly, breathe fire, and his specialty is Black Magic. His element is Fire.

Maritan: Also green hair but in a pony tail fashion. Blue eyes, can fly but that's all she can do on her own. Her specialty is White Magic. Her Element is Light.

The other users did the following characters:

Kyo: Orange hair and green eyes. He specializes in hand-to-hand combat, fist fighting. His element is wind.

Kisa: orangish-yellow hair and blue eyes. She specializes in archery but knows an ice spell to go with her primary attacks, "Freeze Arrow." Her element is Water.

Andrassy: Black hair, dark blue eyes. His specialty his Samurai Discipline as he uses more than one sword to fight. His element is Shadow.

Kongol: Barbarian like, not too smart. He uses a large axe and practices Armsmanship. His Element is Earth.

Kalzo: Blonde hair, Blue eyes. He specializes in Gunsmanship, although these guns are lazer variant instead of bullet. His element is Forest.

Angela: long Black hair, warm red eyes. She has a dagger for defense but her primary offense is her specialty in toxins. Ie, sleeping powder, poison, herbs, etc. Her element is Spirit.

So as you can see, these characters are all quite different in how they fight. I know I was kinda vague in the description but I just wanted to pull you in a bit first. Here's a more descriptive detail on them:

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Name: Hiten

Race: Oni(Demon)

Appearance: Hiten is about 15 years old and has short green hair. He two white horns on his head and has red eyes. He wears tiger stripped chest armor and red boots. He wears a red shirt and tiger stripped shoulder pads and armings.

Personality: Short-tempered. Concerning for his cousin.

Element: Fire

Battle Technique: Black Magic Sorcerer

Ultimate Attack: Dragon Wave

Other: Hiten studies black magic. Black magic is his specialty while he also knows some elemental spells. He cannot perform any white magic spells. Hiten can breathe fire and fly without using any of his magic. These powers are lost during the moon phase in which he was born during.

He is the cousin of Maritan.

Hiten didn't become interested in magic until he began watching Maritan practice elemental spells after perfecting her white magic (which he was bored to look at). Once he got used to the basic element spells he began to further his abilities by researching black magic. Hiten and his cousin began to practice together.

Although distant cousins, these two became close once they started working like a team in magic. Hiten tries to keep Maritan out of trouble as she is usually walking right into it.
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Name: Maritan

Race: Half-Oni(Demon)/Half-Daorian

Appearance: Maritan is about 14 years old. She has long green hair tied in a ponytail. Being half-oni, she has two white horns on her head. She has blue eyes. She wears a tiger striped skirt and bra with white shirt on underneath.

Personality: Carefree. Cares about her friends. When she gets angry though, she really gets angry but she is also quick to recover from anger.

Element: Light

Battle Technique: White Magic Sorceress

Ultimate Attack: Magnium Radiance

Other: Maritan studies white magic. White magic is her specialty while she also knows elemental spells. She cannot perform any black magic spells. Maritan can fly without using any of her magic. Since she is only half oni, she is not affected by the lose of powers that pure blooded onis like Hiten get during a certain moon phase.

She is the cousin of Hiten. While Maritan's mother did not know any magic, her father was a specialist in all categories of it.

Maritan was taught to use magic by her father. Her mother forbid the teaching of black magic to her daughter so Maritan was left to learn the few white magic spells known. After mastering white magic, her parents allowed her to practice Elemental magic. It was at this point that her cousin became interested in magic himself and decided to become a fellow student in Elemental Magic. He went on to learn black magic.

Although distant cousins, these two became close once they started working like a team in magic. Maritan likes looking for adventures and so she is usually finding herself in trouble leaving Hiten to help her out of it.
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Name: Kyo

Race: Human

Appearance: A young boy of 13. He has bright orange hair, green eyes, he wears a black shirt with blue pants. Tied around his right arm is a red head band.

Personality: Kyo is an outspoken boy. Kyo enjoys fighting but does not go overboard on it, he knows his limits and does not try to get into fights. He is a kind but rash boy who rarely thinks before taking action. He thinks mostly of protecting Kisa and cares very little for others. Growing up on the streets taught Kyo to not trust anyone. Kisa is the only exception to this rule. (It will take time to earn his trust)

Element: Wind

Battle Technique: Hand to hand combat

Ultimate Attack: Sekiha Tenkyouken

Other: Kisa and Kyo have been close friends since childhood, Kyo has very strong feelings for Kisa but is too stubborn to admit it. Both he and Kisa gew up as orphans on the street so he doesnt associate well with people other than Kisa.
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Name: Kisa

Race: Human

Appearance: A young girl of 12. She has orangeish yellow hair, blue eyes, she wears a mint green shirt with pink pants. She has a white bow and a quiver full of arrows on her back. Tied around her left arm is a pink head band.

Personality: Kisa is a softspoken girl. She does not like to fight unless she absolutely has to. She is a kind and polite girl who always puts the needs of others before her own. She is also very considerate of others people's feelings. Growing up on the streets taught Kisa to not trust anyone. Kyo is the only exception to this rule. (It will take time to earn her trust)

Element: Water

Battle Technique: Archery/Ice magic

Ultimate Attack: Rain of arrows. Kisa forms a giant bow and arrow out of water. She fires said giant water arrow high into the air where it freezes, breaks apart, and rains down thousands of frozen arrows upon her enemies.

Other: Kisa and Kyo have been close friends since childhood, Kisa has very strong feelings for Kyo but is too shy to admit it. Both she and Kyo gew up as orphans on the street so she doesnt associate well with people other than Kyo. She also has some basic ice magic skills.
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There are still 4 more but I'm really tired right now :p

I will post the other four later.

[sidzero]

Well, I see you got a good vision of your hero characters in addition to your starting scenario. Very RPG-like, assigning each character one of your eight elements.

Do you have planned how your heroes are going to join the team? It seems to me you want to start with just the two cousins at first and then have them meet the other heroes along their journey. Do you have planned how your heroes get involved with your villain? Since you're stranding them in a world they don't know, do you have planned how your main characters (the two cousins) get involved in the world they find themselves in? It wouldn't make sense to have them get involved in a struggle they have no stake in, you know.

Plus you need to be able to have each character with their own struggle to overcome some flaw within them, otherwise the characters become little more than background. Also, fantasy stories have a tendency to make the world itself as important a character as the heroes and villains, so I hope you're defining your world as well as you are your characters.

Writing for fantasy can be pretty tough work. All that I've just asked, and I haven't even touched on the single most important thing yet, the story itself. You obviously have in mind at least a vague idea of how you want to set the scenario up, but do you know where you're going to be taking the story from there? A beginning is important, but it's only a beginning. If you don't really have it worked out yet, then I would suggest looking into the monomyth structure for story writing. It's used pretty religiously when it comes to writing fantasy, especially. I mean it's used pretty much across the board in all genres, but since fantasy tends to echo mythology moreso than any other genre, it's quite useful to know the basic structure that mythology has followed for thousands of years across all cultures of the world. Here's a link you can start from if you'd like a little more info on it.

I personally use my own 9 staged variation of the monomyth structure that I developed back when I was in art school (we studied the monomyth structure in my storytelling class, actually) to help me better define my stories when I'm writing them, so if you need help, feel free to ask.

[UruseiNeo]

The story actually starts with two groups. First Maritan and Hiten will stumble into Banshou, I'll explain how later, but they will be separated and from this point Hiten's "group" will be the first of two sources. Maritan will be lost until she is later recovered by Hiten. This has not happened yet.

The second group will be Kyo and Kisa who stumbled into Banshou from a different dimension than Hiten and Maritan. This will be group two.

The story takes turns, alternating the point of view from one group to the other, as each group crosses paths with a new main character per "episode"

First Hiten will meet Andrassy, Kyo and Kisa will cross paths with Kongol, Hiten and Andrassy will find Kalzo, Kyo, Kisa, and Kongol will encounter Angela. Hiten's group is just about to finally find Maritan but we haven't gotten that far yet.
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How they ended up in Banshou was all sort of accidental. Hiten's main concern is to find his cousin and get back, he has absolutely no intention of staying in Banshou for any longer than he needs to. This, however, will change when he will eventually find out that getting home won't be easy at all. Maritan, on the other hand wants to stay and help the inhabitants of Banshou with the terror that's being caused.
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I definetely want each character to have a "struggle" cause this will, far far into the series, be overcome to awaken a "new power".
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Banshou has a very detailed history. I already wrote it up:

Banshou consists of many different terrains, each with a different species living in it. At the very core of Banshou is a shrine where the sacred E-Force was sealed. The stone at the center of this shrine is what contains the E-Force.

Among the different terrains are:

Kounetsa: A firey volcanic country which is inhabitted by the Kounorians. Kounorians are basically floating fire balls with faces. They have no legs but they do have arms. They can't float very high, about the height of ones head.

Aquarungu: A sunken city with only one entrance without having to swim down from the ocean it lies under. Inhabitted by Aquarens, reptile like creatures that stand with human posture but have scales and tails.

Haitsuchi: This area is nothing but mountains and caves. Haitsuchians have rock hard skin and are quite large. They look like golems and are actually quite peaceful.

Tatsumakia: Just off the edge of the mountains is the great Tastumakian skyland. Tastumakians are bird-like creatures. They have wings, feathers, beaks, etc. but also have arms with claws. Generally they resembled a cross between human and falcon.

Tomoshibia: This holy city consists of many shrines and is known for being very religous. The citizens here look the most human and are known as Shibians. Most Shibians are shrine maidens and priests who know holy magic.

Kurai: This is also known as the Dark Territory. The Kumori are said to inhabit Kurai but no one has ever actually seen any Kumori before nor have ever dared to look for one. Much is unknown about this area of Banshou.

Hayashi: This place is mostly trees and wilderness. The Mori who inhabit this area have plant like bodies. With multiple vine-like legs, as well as have vine-like arms, the Mori can stretch out their limbs to reach far places. In addition, they can bury into the earth and remain their for a short time.

Doushikai: A thousand years ago, this place was the battle ground during the "War of the Kumori's Fall" which was a war between the Kumori and the Shibians. Now, the graves of the fallen heroes rest here. The Konpaku are a group of spiritualists who keep the peace balanced throughout this terrain.

"Regarding the "War of the Kumori's Fall" which happened a thousand years ago:

Looking to expand it's territory, the Kumori invaded Tomoshibia, the holy city. The Shibians did not take this lightly and used holy magic to fight against the Kumori. For a time, the fight continued in a stailmate until one day a black mist begin to emit from the core of Kurai. Not much is known about what happened next because any Shibians who went to fight near the black mist were killed. Having noticed this, the Shibians were unable to push the Kumori very far without losing many fighters. The battle where Shibians were lost at this specific time was known as the Battle of Darkness.

Having already lost an army of Holy Priests in the "Battle of Darkness", the Shibians were at a disadvantage and the Kumori were beginning to push them back and gain territory. Just before the Kumori were about to reach Tomoshibia's most sacred of shrines, the Holy Sphere, Aquarens and Kounorians, who neighboured the other two sides of Kurai, began their attack against the Kumori's territory. The Kumori were not expecting this and were pushed back to the very corner of Banshou where they now reside.

All the terrain that had be regained instead became Doushikai, the spiritual resting area of fallen heroes. This new terrain covered the borders of Kurai and so making it impossible for the Kumori to ever invade again. To this day, the Kumori have kept themselves hidden in that black mist that covers their entire home and no one has ever seen one since. No one is even sure if they still exist. Unknown where they came from, beings in spiritual clothing began to appear in Doushikai and became known as the Konpaku. Their job was to keep all out of the sacred spiritual grave sites and thus access to and from Kurai became impossible.

It is unclear as to why the citizens of Kounetsa and Aquarungu unleashed their warriors on Kurai. Both races already had larger territory than both the Shibians and Humori combined so a far as territory goes, the Kumori expanding their terrain was no major threat. There was no treaty between any terrains at this time either, so there was no obligation by them to help in the war. One of the many unanswered questions that came up from this war."

[sidzero]

So I guess you got your world all worked out, then, huh? Well, don't take this the wrong way, but what I've seen so far just comes across as generic fantasy. See, the problem with writing fantasy is that it's hard not to come across as generic. Even the greatest and most likeable characters or the most unbelievable monsters are just... expected. That's pretty much the main reason why I try to avoid doing straight out fantasy stories, despite how I manage to put fantasy elements in just about everything I do. It's hard to make interesting.

[UruseiNeo]

Expected or not, I still think this will be a good story. Now, I'll give the details for those last four characters:
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Name: Andrassy

Race: Basically an upgraded human, calls self "human" (more agile, longer living, etc)

Appearance: Black short hair, dark blue eyes, fair skin. 5'11 tall and 170lbs. Fairly average athletic male body built with no real specialty or weakness. Wears a simple, black gi with a black sash but no patches.

Personality: Quiet and reserved. Fairly stoic, but a kind person at heart. Personality flaw is that he can be stubborn in his ways and views.

Element: Shadow

Battle Technique: Samurai Discipline

Ultimate Attack: Charged Cut (Sword is infused with energy to increase cutting power for one stroke)

Other: Character is 20 years old and lives by himself in a rural, snowy area.
----------------------------------------

Name: Kongol

Race: Gigagrand

Appearance: Very large and very muscular. Barbarian like outfit

Personality: Speaks English very badly. Not the smartest of people but can tell right from wrong.

Element: Earth

Battle Technique: Armsmanship

Ultimate Attack: Earthquake

Other: Kongol is very strong which makes up for his lack of intelligence. He uses a large axe as a weapon that’s too heavy for a normal person to wield and he does it with one hand. He’s 19 years old even though he looks like an adult in the late twenties.
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Name: Kalzo

Race: Olimian

Appearance: Where’s a green unit uniform. Has blonde hair and blue eyes. The uniform includes a hat and short sleeves. On the belt are three different types of guns and a knife.

Personality: Intelligent and good with technology

Element: Forest

Battle Technique: Gunmanship

Ultimate Attack: Barrage Blazer

Other: Kalzo is an in-training officer of 16. He uses laser guns in battle and knows how to deal with tech well. With his intelligence, he configured his weapons to combine into a more powerful one that uses more energy. He’s always wanted his own ship.
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Name: Angela

Race: Dystanian

Appearance: Angela is very pale-skinned, has black hair, dark lips, and warm red eyes (not the evil kind of red). She usually wears clothing that has very short leggings, and generally wears earthy colors, like browns. She is never seen without her little leather satchel. She wears two leather cords around the crown of her head, with a red and a purple feather hanging down the side. She also wears leather boots that cover half her shin.

Personality: Generally quiet, but she has a bit of a temper, and is prone to tantrums. Otherwise, she’s usually pretty nice.

Element: Spirit

Battle Technique: Angela is a toxinist. She’s not very physically strong, preferring to incapacitate her opponents and slip away before they recover.

Ultimate Attack: Seishin Seishi (literally “mind control”)

Other: Angela is part of a nomadic tribal group, so she’s used to travel. She can cover long distances easily, navigate difficult terrain easily and almost silently, and has an interest in cooking and mending, as well as producing antidotes for her toxins (and others, if she has a vague inclination). She also blushes easily, which is a sure-fire way to tell she is lying. She’s fifteen years old.
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So I have covered Who and Where. Next I think I will cover the How:

Arcana, the main villain, tried to steal the E-Swords that were put on display in a museum. However, these were nothing more than the shells of the original swords. Because he disrupted these, portals began opening all over the universe, as well as many other universes. Every one of these portals lead to a random location in Banshou.

During training, Kisa releases one of her arrow attacks on Kyo only to have a portal open up to absorbed the arrows. Surprisingly, this arrows end up in the true resting place of the E-Swords' powers. Hitting the sealing stone, the arrows release the powers and eight colored lights fly off into different portals and thus into different universes.

Each light comes into contact with any bladed weapon a main character was holding at the time, essentially transforming it into a Neo E-Sword. Each character has a relatively different reason for getting sucked into Banshou.
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And so, you are ALMOST caught up.

Currently, the name of the story is Banshourian Adventure. But I want a name that holds a little more meaning. The number "8" is fairly important as there are 8 elements, swords, heroes, etc. So, I wanted to use a word that had "hachi" somewhere in it.

Are there any words containing "hachi"? If you know any, please share even if you think it might not be useful at all.

[FallinG_StaR]

Reminds me of Hentai Bliss RPG series... XD

But that's just me... I'm weird... XD

[UruseiNeo]

WTF? Why the hell does my story remind u of a hentai?

[sidzero]

Consider who you're talking to. I wouldn't be surprised if a can of spam reminded him of hentai.

[FallinG_StaR]

LoL

Nah... Its just that its the only RPG game I played and liked... XD
I'm not a fan of RPG's...

I was reading the posts and my mind was making up another story... XD

A can of spam??? XD

I'm not that perverted!!!

[sidzero]

I'm not that perverted!!!

LIES!

[FallinG_StaR]

Well... let me put it this way... I'm not that freakishly perverted...

[UruseiNeo]

Get back on subject... still looking for a good name.

Now, having read what I have so far, I'm sure someone must be wondering (hopefully) what the hell is so special about the E-Swords?

It would probably be kinda lame if the E-Swords were nothing more than powered weapons to slash with. These swords have a few functions.

First, I guess if you call this a function, it allows you that type of elemental attack.

The REAL beauty is, wait I should probably explain something first; In the prologue (we actually RP'd what was told in the prologue already) the 8 Heroes used the swords to initiate a transformation. This was known as "Elemental Evolution" and while the New E-Swords inherited this ability, over the years they have also gained new powers.

1. Each sword is a hilt that emits its element as the blade (ie the Fire E-Sword emits flames as a blade). By calling its name, the wielder can summon their guardian from the sword. Essentially the emitted element exits the hilt and takes the form of a beast or being. Hiten's is "Infernal Pegasus" and Maritan's is "Shine Fairy" for example. So far in the story, the guardians have been introduced, the second function of the Neo E-Swords have not yet been talked about:

2. Elemental Evolution. Now the original 8 heroes took the form of beasts made of their element when they used Elemental Evolution. This had a draw-back as they were unable to use whatever skills they had in human form. Ie, a spellcaster couldn't cast spells while transformed.

But the Neo E-Swords allow the holder to transform into:
First, Warrior Mode; Elemental armored state that still allows the user their human form. Therefore they have the extra boost of "EE" while still being able to use their original skills.
Second, Neo (Beast) Mode; The user takes the form of an elemental beast just like the original heroes. This form is slightly stronger than the previous form and just like the old heroes, they are unable to use their regular skills. However, each form has a new strength or power such as enhanced speed or a type of invulnerable to something.

[UruseiNeo]

I have written an example scene of Hiten's Elemental Evolution.

Neo Elemental Evolution

"Infernal Pegasus Realize!" Hiten calls, raising out his right hand. Infernal Pegasus returns to flame form which is concentrated in Hiten's hand. Grasping the energy in his hand, and giving it his own strength, Hiten slams his hand onto the part of the hilt where the blade would go. "Charge!" he calls, the energy now draining into the hilt. He holds the red glowing hilt in front of him. "Elmenetal Evolution!" he calls. At this point, the hilt breaks, releasing the energy in the form of a red sphere that engulfs Hiten's left hand.

Hiten pulls out his left hand, revealing a dragon style arm band with a horn. He then grazes his right hand through the red sphere, horizontally, producing a crimson shield onto his right arm, shaped like an arrow. Hiten crosses his arms in front of his face as the energy sphere engulfs the rest of his body. The final result is body armor that resembles both dragon scales and flames, covering his legs, chest, and shoulders. "Drago Hiten!" he calls.
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Mode Change

Drago Hiten burns with a red aura. He raises his left arm (the one with the horned dragon band). "Drago Hiten Mode Change to..." he calls, firing the band into the air. With his left arm now free, he puts his shield of it so that both arms were now holding the shield. Spreading out his arms horizontally, the shield is split in two. Each arm had half the shield on it with the resemblance of a bladed wing. Drago Hiten then charges into the air to meet the previously thrown band which has now configured to fit as a horned dragon helmet. With the final piece worn, Drago Hiten bursts off into the sky and out of sight. A burning fire ball crashes to the ground, revealing a large dragon made of flames. "Neo Dragon Mode!" Drago Hiten calls in his new form.
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As mentioned earlier, each different Ne Beast Mode has a different power. In Drago Hiten's case, he can absorb magical energy (in this series there is Magical Energy, Physical Energy, and Elemental Energy). This proves useful as he can then revert to Warrior Mode and unleash the magical energy absorbed.