Topic: UYRemix, Chapter 1: "A Day in the Life" (rough draft)

[sidzero]

So yeah, after long enough of a wait, I present to you a rough draft of the first chapter in my reimagining of Urusei Yatsura. As I've said before, the main purpose of me writing this is to work out the kinks in my writing skills, so comments and criticisms are more than welcome.

Keep in mind, this is only a rough draft, and only the first chapter. Once I've finished the five- or six-chapter first arc (the storyline which covers basically the first and third chapter of the manga, or both parts of the first episode of the anime), I'll post it in a finished draft. I was going to post it as a regular post, but because it exceeds the maximum allowed length of 20000 characters (hell, it's 18 pages worth of text, what do you expect?), I'm just going to export it as a PDF and link it. Please let me know if the fonts didn't embed right (this is my first time exporting a PDF with openoffice), or if you want it in another format (such as a word DOC or whatnot), I'll see what I can do.

By the way, yes, many facts have been changed from the original story of UY, and I have a good reason for all of these changes. Anyone who wants to know why, feel free to ask, but I can't guarantee that I'll answer all questions about that, because some of these reasons will be revealed as part of the story at some point in the future. Yeah, that should just about do for an introduction, so here you are, "A Day in the Life". Enjoy!


Edit: Time for me to be my own worst critic! Having reread it as it is, I can already tell that it's a good thing I'm only calling it a rough draft. I see a lot of room for improvement. Especially by being more descriptive in many of the scenes. Also I don't really know why but I seem to have managed to change the tone completely a few times, that needs to be fixed as well. I'm also a little unsure of how much I like the little dear diary part at the end. I do, however, really like where I described Ataru's first impression of Lum (though I need to go through and fix the grammar in parts of it, actually, in parts all over the chapter). That's a good example of how descriptive I want to get for the rest of it, and I really hope no one has a problem with the way I've redesigned some of the characters in my own mind (then again, if they do, too bad). Considering I only had about 7 pages written when I started yesterday (up to the part where Ataru disappears on his date), it's not bad, but it's not exactly great. Maybe I'm just too much of a perfectionist to be satisfied. Am I being too hard on myself?

[cata]

I'm going to read this on weekend because I don't have enough time to do it now. I'll tell you later what's my opinion.

[sidzero]

Hmmm. Why do I get this bad feeling that no one's going to help me out with this? All I ask is for a little criticism.  :/

[FallinG_StaR]

Dude... Its 18 pages... give us some time... XD

[UruseiNeo]

Stuff this long tends to slow down the computer, which adds to the "taking time" part.

[cata]

I'm so sorry Sidzero! I forgot I have written and oral tests this week so I couldn't pay any atention to your work. I'll try to read it this weekend.

I'm so sorry!

[sidzero]

Ok, it's been a month. Can I whine about how no one is helping out any, yet?


Although at this point, I don't know if it matters much. I've been considering some things and UYRemix may end up getting shelved again. I'm also reconsidering my decision to stick with regular novels as opposed to the graphic variety.  :?

[UruseiNeo]

Don't let the lack of comments discourage you. The posting level at the forums seems to have dropped recently.