The World of Urusei Yatsura's Lum
Miscellaneous => General Discussion => Topic started by: GiovaneDinamitardo on March 28, 2009, 11:50:45 AM
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is with the death on my heart that I write today.
I'm so blue and worried contemporary.
It seems that my wife wanna leave me.
And all because I disturbed one of her (millions of) phone calls.
You've to know: in 2000 she had a strong depression.
I tried to rescue her in severals way but she found a curious way to hear: since that moment she NEEDS TO HAVE AROUND HER MORE PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE TO KEEP THE "BAD THOUGHTS" AWAY FROM HER !!!
This hurt me so much: I'm so reserved and I like also so much to stay on my own, just with her and our daugher but this conflict with her way-to-be.
It means that, any day, she spend lots of hours at the phone with her damned friends.
The point is that she takes HOURS AND HOURS to speak, forgetting all the things she has all around (husband first !) and if I try to protest she gets angry (sometimes she also socked me for this !!).
I'm framed: what if we were "alone" I divorced immediately but now Mary Victory is with us.
I'm seriously wondering if I would be able to manange this situation (the divorce) on my own: my work require me to stay so much time so far from home and recently is so used for me to come back late; in which way I could take care of Mary Victory (in fact, when I say to her that the daughter would rest with me she answer "I don't mind") ?!?
I cannot overload my parents: they are over 65 years old !!
When I wrote "100 years of lonelyness" it was like a metafora of my own fears: to be damned to stay all alone, asking for forgiveness without anyone could give it to me.
Now it seems that my nightmare is going to become reality.
What I have to do?
to try to rescue once again my wife (but she likes so much this situation, it makes her feel so strong !!) or to chase her away ?!?
I have no friends to say what I'm saying to you, that's why I write here about the pain that squeeze my soul.
I'm gona explode.
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Wow that's one emotional hitter.
I'm afraid to voice my opinion since I'm only 18 and have never been in a relationship.
If I come across any Ojizo-Sama statues I shall pray for you.
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Wait a minute. Did you not know this about her when you married her?
I would think something like that would be something you learn rather quickly. If you did know this about her, then you've already made the decision to work around it. Why then, suddenly, did you change your mind?
If you didn't, then isn't kinda your own fault for not noticing the problem earlier? People should at least get to know each other's faults before they get married. Even more so before they have children.
I don't mean to lecture, but it seems to me this could be as much your fault as it is hers. Doesn't that whole marriage thing involve a promise to stand by each other, regardless of faults, until death do you part? I don't know, marriage to me is little more than some silly ritual belonging to an outdated religion I have no part of, but I could have sworn that marriage was supposed to mean something.
Basically it comes down to this... You need to make a decision as to whether or not it's in your best interest to make it work. Don't do it for your wife, or your daughter, but for yourself. Do you love these two ladies enough to do what you have to do to keep them in your life? Or are you just another divorce statistic?
If she has a problem, it is your duty as a man and as a husband to help her with it. On the same note, it's your duty as a man and as a husband to work out your own jealousy over your wife's social circle, for whatever reason she keeps her friendships. After all, just because she's your wife doesn't mean she's your property. She's your partner. You should resolve your differences so that you can work together on the job of raising the child that you both created. Take responsibility for your life.
On the other hand, I'm wondering if she actually said that she wanted to leave you, or if that was your own interpretation. Often times, jealousy such as what you seem to be suffering leads to paranoia about the relationship. I've been there, I know what it's like.
Ultimately though, your future is in your hands. Only you know what's best for you. But if you ever need to talk, I'm sure I'm not the only one that'll make themselves available to talk to.
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sidzero pretty much hit all the points on the head, i can only disagree on the part about whether or not you make your decision based on your daughter. You are her father, always be good to her, if you believe she needs you in her life then be there and dont let anyone stop that. I believe the child comes first and you should talk and fix this problem based on that. After all I had to deal with my parents divorcing, and it is always the children that hurt the most.
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I really dunno what to say, i'm really no good at situations like this... :\
still, everything have solution, don't desesperate
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sidzero pretty much hit all the points on the head, i can only disagree on the part about whether or not you make your decision based on your daughter.
There's actually a very good reason I said that. It may be bad for his daughter if he leaves, but would it really be any better if he simply doesn't want to be there? He shouldn't have to stay with his wife if he can't love her enough to resolve such a small issue. If he stays with her for his daughters sake, he make come to resent the both of them. Even if it's a loving relationship, if you come to resent the person you're with, no matter the circumstances, it will only make everyone unhappy. This is why I'm not completely against divorce. If it makes everyone happier, it would actually be better to separate. Just because you're divorced doesn't mean you can't get along with someone, and it's better for the child for two parents to be separated and happy than together and resentful. Children are highly empathic. They pick up on the emotions of their parents because it helps them develop emotionally themselves. Forcing them together when they don't want to be WILL have an effect. I've seen it time and again.
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Ur making it sound he said HE was the one who wanted to divorce.
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When someone wants to talk to random strangers when the person they SHOULD be talking to is their spouse, something seems fishy to me. Paranoia about his wife wanting to leave him just because, despite being married to him, she wants to hang out with her friends, also fishy. I never suggested that he was the one seeking a divorce, but it seems to me that he may just be looking for a way out of his marriage. Either that or he's the type of guy that is too demanding and controlling to ever be satisfied in a relationship (and I know that type quite well, I was with a girl like that for 2 years, and greatly suffered for it, but that's a story for another time).
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no one have the same reaction, and what's the problem of him to release his hurys here?
even online, we are friends, aren't we?
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Friends or no, if you have a problem with the one you love, you take it up with them, instead of gossiping behind their back. Think about it, if it was your lover who had a problem with you, would you prefer they came to you about it, or went and talked to a bunch of people who are unrelated about it? Maybe I'm wrong, but don't you think his wife might have feelings too?
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The fact that you even ask that means you have doubt XD (sarcastic)
But isn't that what she IS doing? Talking to her friends instead of her husband?
The truth is that we don't have even a little bit of enough info to say whose at fault, so we have to stand by Gio who has yet to post since he started this topic.
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But isn't that what she IS doing? Talking to her friends instead of her husband?
Yeah, but is she talking about her relationship problems? It just seems to me like he's afraid of confronting her, like we can tell him how to work it out, when really, the only thing he needs is to look into his own heart. It's his marriage, how can anyone but those involved know how to make it right?
The truth is that we don't have even a little bit of enough info to say whose at fault, so we have to stand by Gio who has yet to post since he started this topic.
This is true. But I think all he needs is a good stiff smack across the face and for someone to tell him, "GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, MAN!"
If nothing else, he can go see a marriage counselor, but I bet they wouldn't tell him any different than what I've told him. That it's something they have to resolve together, but if they need a counselor to hold their hand through it, then so be it.
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Sid you're very good with all those psychology things but don't you have a heart?!?!?!
I'm only 17 but I've had the experience of divorce (no, it wasn't my divorce it was my parents') and I can tell you that what Forgotten said it's 100% true: children involved in the relationship are the ones that most suffer. When my parents were together, at end of their marriage, they used to fight and argue and send me to the room and each one of them used to talk to me in private saying that the other one is the bad guy/girl. My mom even accused me and my dad that we were having sexual relations and I even had to go to a police station where I had to answer 874653926546 times that I didn't have sexual relations or any other sexual behavior with my dad. They didn't believe me and I had to do a test that "proves" if a girl/woman was abbused or not and I can tell you that it hurts like hell! In case you're wondering, I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH MY FATHER. Imagine what the consequences could happen in a child's mind if she/he was put into this kind of situation? Also, my mom is mentally ill and my dad still helps her even though she acts crazy and stuff.
I don't know for sure how old his daughter is but a 1 year old baby isn't the same as a 3 year old child or even older. My "sister" is 7 years old and her parents got divorced when she was three. She's doing fine, her parent never stopped being a part of her life and everything was and is perfectly okay because the divorce wasn't something horrible that came. Both of them (mom and dad) agreed with it and didn't have those huge fights and all that ugly stuff.
Uncle Gio:
I do agree that it's better to talk to your partner about it but I also understand that if the environment in your home is heavy, one loses his courage to talk about it because he's afraid that it's only going to cause another fight and prefers to get the weight off his shoulders with someone else.
I really don't mind that he talks about his life here because even if we aren't much of a help, he can take all that pain off his chest. Also, Internet gives people courage to talk about things that they wouldn't talk about it openly in the middle of the street.
Uncle Gio, calm down and do the best for your daughter. Remember that if the divorce actually happens, it doesn't mean that you can't help your wife.
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Wow, I think that's the first time I've been accused of being heartless. But I can't really deny that, either. I'm not exactly good at emotions. I mentioned earlier about the emotional development of children being effected by the circumstances of their parents, and I won't deny that I'm one of those who was negatively impacted by that very problem. All I ever wanted out of life is happiness, but emotions have done nothing but cause me pain, so I decided a long time ago that it was just better to avoid them. What use are they anyway? But despite that, I don't ever want to see anyone turn out the way I did, so I do the only thing I can and give the best advice I can. No sane parent would want their child to turn out unhappy, anyway. Or worse yet, an emotional parasite who can only really experience emotions by observing them in others (trust me on this, it is not a fun way to live).
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Please, forgive me but I havn't enough time to read all the answers.
I'd like to write that "things are getting better" but.... I didn't meant in this way.
Some days ago I went to a chemical laboratory to have a "routine-checkup".
Lots of strange numbers...
.. so strange...
.... TOO MUCH STRANGE !!!
My doctor saied to me that wanna go "in deep", "TO AVOID ANY PATOLOGIES AT THE LYMPHATIC SYSTEM" !!! (*)
My wife stopped immediately to think to leave me.
What if I wanted a "love evidence", it has given to me over a silver plate.
But now we're worried a bit :-[
(*) IT'S A NEMESYS: in fact, in my fanfiction I imaginated that Ataru could have something like this - truthfully, he was just reading into the mind of Lamù.
Now I'm gona read your answers, I'll replay you all (but give to me enough time: now Mary Victory - 8 months old yesterday :-* - is sleeping but I think not for long).
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And, on top of all this, the EARTHQUAKE today. Looks like the epicenter was 200 km away but I bet you felt it. Hope you weathered the earthquake okay, Giovane, and my thoughts are with you for your other troubles.
Take care,
vh
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Hi peeps!
On special request of GiovaneDinamitardo I'll close this thread up to further notice. If you want to leave GiovaneDinamitardo a message please send him a PM. He hasn't got much time to reply in this thread so a PM will be better atm.
This thread is not closed due to abuse but on special request. If it needs to be opened again, I'll let you peeps know here.
Thanks for your understanding!
Lum-chan