The World of Urusei Yatsura's Lum
Urusei Yatsura - General => Urusei Yatsura General Discussion => Topic started by: UruseiNeo on February 18, 2008, 01:38:55 AM
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Okay, so I decided I wanted to write a fanfiction story that took place after the anime ends
I posted the first chapter on fanfiction but no body ever gives me feedback.
Now, before you read this you should a few things...
1) I know EXACTLY where this is going.
2) It's episodic so each chapter is like an episode and then there will be multiple seasons.
3) I already have 18/21 episode ideas for season 1 and a few for season 2 ^_^
4) The POV is... through a camera... This is probably the only thing that has the possibility of taking my story to hell which is why I need OPINIONS on it.
5) I plan on including as many anime-style goodies such as the randomness explosion, "Blue Impulse!", and more.
6) The reason why I wanted to do this by camera man is to 1-be different and 2-I have a lot of jokes that will go to the camera and the season finale will actually need it cause it involves "video evidence", that's all I'm gonna say.
Here is where you can find it: http://www.lum-chan.com/index.php?topic=1007.new#new
Well? How was it? I have already started making my very own Opening and Ending to go with the story as well as that little halfway point transition. I have 17 other episode ideas so far and they are growing with time but if someone has an episode idea they always wanted to be used, I can give credit if you want me to use it.
I need comments plz... :)
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Looks very good... but the the constant references to the camera makes me think that you are making a documentary or a fanfictionary ;D ... Or that new movie... Cloverfield... :P
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give references, like a book.
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give references, like a book.
What do you mean by that?
I actually wrote that chapter a few months ago ^_^''' I'm gonna try not to talk about the camera a lot. like any other Urusei Yatsura episode, when a new character is introduced the focus is alround them mostly so that's kinda why the main focus was Cam.
Rest assured, future episodes will focus more on the other characters. The next episode is gonna be Lum's second year anniversary and later I'll be having an episode where they meet the cast of Ranma 1/2 ^_^
Neat thing about Urusei Yatsura, you can say "I got a device that can take us to another dimension" and POOF you can go to any show you want. In this case, I decided to stick with Rumiko stories like Ranma 1/2.
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hot damn UruseiNEO, has come into Our world folks ! and by the way I did give you feedback for your story you never read my reply or posted another chapter because the story was getting good...
do you recall someone by the name Mr. Boywonder on fanfiction.net ? well that fella me ;D
dont' worry about darkdevil the guy a straight up depression nut cake plus he a cat, just want to warn you on that one.
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Oh I knew you were him. I saw a topic titled "Ataru really do mean it" here so I KNEW it was you. Also, I have been here before just never signed up an account so I've read around a bit to the point where it sounded like I shouldn't take DarkDevil's complaints too seriously?
Anyways, I was disappointed when you posted chapter 4 but it ended sorrowful and then you stopped. I wanna know what happens next.
Anyways, back on topic. For my next episode, I was planning to make Lum's birthday fall on the day the Oni's invaded earth (therefore Lum's birthday is on her 2 year's on earth anniversary) and that the invasion of earth was supposed to be Lum's B-Day present :O ! This will complicate things between Lum and Ataru, but only that episode.
Does anybody have complaints with this? And if not, is there anything you suggest I should add?
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Actually, I more wonder if it's the same UruseiNeo that was involved with the whole posting every episode, movie and OVA of UY over on youtube.
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I posted episodes 11, 18, 21 and seasons 3, 4, 6, and currently 9 on youtube. Also if you go to Veoh.com I posted episodes 1-173 so far and the first 4 movies. Neo1fox posted the OVA's on both and seasons 1, 2, and 5 on youtube. He also did the movies at youtube.
After I finish season 9 however, I still have 3 big things to release, one of them will be the "Youtube's Top 10" episode which will be as long as an episode. The other two BIG things are secrets ^_^
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sorry for that on my part about the chapter sorrow. but back to the show all you really have to do is add old characters from where the show just came on.
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Good start for yer fanfic and welcome aboard,UruseiNeo
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One thing I wanted to know about for Lum's speech...
Should I or should I not use the tcha or datcha or whatever it is at the end of her sentences and if so how do I use them correctly?
If not, I'll just use: got you=gotcha | what are you doing= whatcha doing etc etc...
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Use the following after ending any sentence : 'tcha
Just dont use it in words as gotcha
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I have tried that but if you were to say it, it doesn't quite flow of the tongue as well... I'm sure that it sounds right with Japanese words... I actually think words like gotcha, whatcha, dontcha, etc. are English equivalents.
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Lum's speech:
Lum refers to herself in the first person as "uchi" and is famous for usually ending her sentences with "~datcha". When used by itself, "datcha" means "Yes". This speech type is a rather saccharine, "cute" type of speech.
Wikipedia
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I think I remember seeing that. Well as for "uchi" I think I should stay away from it. Hmmm... I will probably use datcha for "yes" but to just randomly use it at the end of any sentence wouldn't seem right so, for now, I won't use it. I've watched some of the dubbed MOVIES and as far as I can tell the voice actor sounds fine without using these words.
Posted on: February 19, 2008, 03:38:53 PM
This has been bugging me for a while.
Alright... one of my episodes was going to centralize around this sort of situation:
Lum agrees to let Ataru do his girl-hunting for one day/week (haven't decided) in exchange he has to make a sort of romantic gesture. Now, I haven't really decided on whether or not she actually keeps her end of the bargain, but my problem is I can't think of what this gesture could be.
So my question is essentially: What gesture should Ataru make? Also if you have an opinion, Should Lum keep her deal?
PS: Marriage is not an option.
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Kissing her, perhaps?
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they've done that, though they didn't need to make a deal for that to happen, ok how bout this: A private getaway for a weekend, not telling anyone and location chosen by lum, just ataru and lum
just an idea that can be worked on, its not as small as a kiss but not as great as marraige
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Seems a great idea,forgotten lum
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Love it. Since this takes place after the anime, Ataru already kissed her so that's why I wouldn't have used that. But this idea is good. Permission to use "private get away" plz
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pendants are wonderful gifts :D
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I love Forgotten's idea! Here's mine: (My idea and Forgotten' are alike)
A three days space trip that is only for married people. Remember that Lum sees her Darling as her husband. Ataru couldn't girl-hunt because he only could be with Lum. If a female assistant tried to help him, he couldn't do anything perv or so because in a "Huge UFO of Love" the technology is so advanced that even Ataru can't do anything about it. There could be activities like, private spa, cinema for couples (cinema with two seats with all kinds of movies), restaurant for two, gardens, etc. Basically a three days trip in Space inside a Huge UFO that can only be used by married couples with all kind of romantic activities.
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That would be great but let's face it, Ataru would never go that far for just one day of girl-hunting. Not even a week. At this point of the story, where I would be releasing that episode, Ataru and Lum are still in the same situation they are currently at.
And I can't go past one week of girl-hunting, as in it can't be a month, because each episode is weekly and I don't think people wanna see Ataru girl-hunt for 4 episodes while Lum does nothing. With one week, I don't even have to show him doing anything. I can start it at the end of the episode and then, one week later, the new episode starts and his week free has already ended.
Also, who thinks Lum would actually keep her end of the deal? Assuming it's a one week trip she is getting, and that Ataru's "week" doesn't occur during their one week trip?
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How about " A Night Alone" ?
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Second chapter posted ^_^
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Did you pick October 10th randomly or is there any proof of it?
And the guy that locked gimself in the room is hilarious. xD
I wonder why he did it...
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The birthday, there is absolutely no proof. The best proof I can give is that somebody said that Lum and Ataru's birthdays are 6 month apart so it would land in october. Then someone replied the 10th cause it was Rumiko's birthday or something around that.
I decided to use that too cause I wanted her birthday to be on the tag race and the tag race would be at the beginning right? so October is roughly where a series would start. Most likely the series start in September but nothing is perfect.
Glad you liked Zack. I just recently decided to have an edit tech person. The reason he locked himself in there was because he likes his privacy. Funny thing is that there's no one else on the crew besides Zack and Cam(still thinking on his REAL name) so the "meeting" would have only included himself.
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I'm kinda curious about the 6 months apart thing just like I was about the Lum being a princess thing. Any idea where it came from? I don't recall there being anything in the series about that, or about when Lum's birthday is, other than the fact that her star sign was the "Tiger-Striped Unicorn". The problem with trying to come up with dates and such for UY and when things occurred is that the whole series seems to take place in an infinite time loop of some sort. They never move on from 2nd year of high school to 3rd, regardless of how many summers and winters passed in the series. I know if I get around to doing my remake doujinshi that I've been considering, I was going to... remedy that (though I don't know if everyone would agree with my method). But you know... to each author their own.
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Well since I required a birthday I took the first reasonable date I could find. As for my story, I actually need it to progress through time. They are in their third year.
Now... Next time on... shoot I still need to think of an official name for the story...
Next time on Urusei Yatsura: Season 10 (?) -- Ataru gets a job!
Now... I need to think of a job -_-'''... Any suggestions?
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A job for Ataru? That's hard. He could work at some coffee shop or something. There are some opportunities to girl-hunt in these kind of places, I guess.
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I presume it wouldn't be permanent, a part-time for a really short while, until Ataru has enough money for...something...
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Yeah a part-time like a pizza delievery man or something. The first job isn't something to last, I guess.
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I presume it wouldn't be permanent, a part-time for a really short while, until Ataru has enough money for...something...
Exactly and that "something" will become important in the story at around the 3rd quarter of the season so that's why I need him to get a job as soon as possible. So we need a job that fits Ataru's needs.
We need to think, what are Ataru's skills? Let's focus on that for now...
-Running
-Catching Swords
-Replacement Jutsu
-Quick Recovery
-Crafty
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Maybe an athlete?
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I took a career quiz trying to use Ataru type answers and got the following types of jobs, there were a total of 40:
Custodian
Taxi Driver
Fast Food Worker
Professional Athlete was number 40/40
I'm thinking that the most likely teen job would be working at the Beef Bowl. After doing this I started to wonder what kind of professional career he should pursue.
I mean seriously, as an adult what career do you guys think he should have? It's really hard to decide on these things...
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The same as he's father, most probably.
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How about these:
Sales Representative
Media Buyer/Planner
Promotions Manager
Public Relations Representative
Fashion Photographer (Girl-Hunt xD)
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I was thinking about Lum getting a job but... No.
She doesn't need one. I think she'd be happier as a house wife. Just looking at the GAM manga makes me think that she'd be happier as the typical wife.
But for a teen job... she doesn't need that either. I already got her covered money-wise.
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Anyways I'll put Ataru in a beef bowl restaurant for now. I won't have to worry about his main career for one or two seasons. Any objections???
I'm serious, if there's something wrong tell me cause I need opinions. I believe that a great story can be created but not by a single person alone.
Posted on: February 24, 2008, 10:24:04 PM
Also...
Is my story ready to go in the Fanfiction section of the site?
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I only have one doubt about Ataru's skills. Can he cook?
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That... is a good point
Hmm... Well, he doesn't have to make th food. I'll put him at the counter.
Is my story ready to go in the Fanfiction section of the site?
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Part time job for Ataru, eh? You mean kinda like the time he had a part time job at the bathhouse? Read that chapter/watch that episode again before you think about writing him into getting a part time job.
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How about package delivering?
It can give more problems, to reach a useless and/or stupid ending.
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Part time job for Ataru, eh? You mean kinda like the time he had a part time job at the bathhouse? Read that chapter/watch that episode again before you think about writing him into getting a part time job.
I know about that. But I need him to get a job cause I need him to make money for something.
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But just take into consideration Ataru's personality and his attitude towards any kind of job before you just go and give him some random part time job. Is whatever you need him to buy worth enough to him to even get a part time job?
Although you know, if Ataru were a little older, I could see him wanting a job like mine. Bartender at a strip club. :)
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Oh trust me, what he plans on buying he believes is worth making the money for.
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You know, no offense or anything, but I don't think you understand Ataru at all with that spoiler. He doesn't want to be free from Lum. He plays at the idea that he does, but think back on the whole Inaba thing. At first he may have wanted to be rid of her, but as the story progresses, he comes to see that he doesn't. Remember how he reacted to the future where he had his dream harem without Lum? He didn't want that at all. True, he doesn't want her pestering him like she does, but he knows he couldn't be happy without her. Now if the goal were a way to tame her, then sure, he might go so far, but not to remove her from his life completely.
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Ugh... I really don't know how to explain this.
Alright, my idea is that SPOILER BLOCKED XP
Posted on: February 25, 2008, 12:11:21 AM
I need a reply plz.
I can't start posting my story in the fanfiction section until sidzero is satisfied.
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Now now, you don't have to do ANYTHING based on whether or not I'm satisfied. After all, this is your story, not mine. I've said before... "to each author their own." Or something like that.
You're not spoiling anything because you've already mentioned this <SPOILER>. I can understand why you would want to do this though, lots of possibilities. But I don't see <SPOILER> and nothing would REALLY change. But that's just the way I see things. Also, do you think a part time job would make enough money to <SPOILER>? Anyway... if you really insist on the whole him getting a part time job to <SPOILER>... I can give you one idea that would create ENDLESS hilarity and story opportunities...
Make him a cook at an Anna Miller's. :)
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Question what is Anna's Miller?
Also, Ataru's SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER 3 paragraphs of SPOILERS gone
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Oh my.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Miller's
Think of it as the Japanese Otaku's Hooters. Without the skimpy shorts on Barbie-clone girls. Real big in the fanboy crowd.
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It's the perfect job, I can't believe it. It meets most of Ataru's requirements. All he really needs is to learn how to cook the food there.
Now, I'm gonna edit all my posts to make them spoiler free for the people who haven't read them yet XP
You got the last post spoiler right? Just wanted to know.
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Yeah, sure... spoilers blocked and what not.
But yeah, I thought of the idea of having him work at Anna Miller's a little while back for my own story... but I saw no real need for it, so I tossed the idea. In my vision of the future of UY, he wouldn't be staying on Earth much longer after he graduates high school anyway.
And besides, trust me, working in the food industry, no matter WHAT kind of restraunt you work at (unless it's a real high class one where you need to be a professional chef to cook for them), cooks are a pretty brainless job, and involve instructions simpler than "insert tab A into slot B".
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Tomorrow I'll do some research on Anna Miller's to get more familiar with it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have found Ataru a temporary job!
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And I see him lasting 5 hours in it before he gets fired for flirting with the waitresses.
"I'll give you the order if you go on a date with me. ;D"
I can't see him lasting that long while surrounded by beautiful women. Are you sure it's a good idea?? :-\
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How about modifying a little bit Anna Miller's ? It could be an Anna Miller's but only with men cooking and serving at the tables. It would be a great atraction for girls and that's what Ataru's searching for in a job.
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I think that Ataru would like the job better if girl's worked there.
And as for getting fired, Lum can apply to be one of the waitresses and therefore she'll be watching him.
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How about modifying a little bit Anna Miller's ? It could be an Anna Miller's but only with men cooking and serving at the tables. It would be a great atraction for girls and that's what Ataru's searching for in a job.
No, because it wouldn't be Anna Miller's. I think full well Ataru would be able to control himself in such a situation. He's probably end up getting smacked a lot, but if you create the right boss for him, it could work out well.
And as for getting fired, Lum can apply to be one of the waitresses and therefore she'll be watching him.
Now that idea, I would COMPLETELY buy.
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Nice, I think I'm better at writing for Lum than I am for Ataru ^_^
Question, when does the Japanese school schedule begin-end?
Like here, we start at the beginning of September and go to the end of June. So do they also start on September is it any different?
Also I heard that they go to school on Saturdays (thus 6 school days) and in return get a total of 2 months off summer, 1 month off Winter, and 1 month off Spring to balance out. Is this true?
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No, because it wouldn't be Anna Miller's.
I didn't meant to say that he could work at Anna Miller's. I was trying to say that Ataru could work at a place like Anna Miller's but with only men working there. Atraction for girls. Got it?
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I got what you're saying. But consider Ataru... would he even WANT to work at a place like that? Really, I think the only kind of job he would want to get that he could get would be exactly what I said. Yes, he'd probably get in trouble for trying to hit on all the girls all the time. Yes, he'd end up getting smacked a lot. Yes, most of his job would involve one scheme after another on how NOT to get fired that day. But wouldn't that make for much more interesting story-telling opportunities than some random place where it ends up being the daily grind. I'd think so.
Remember, that this is UY, not real life. They're practically polar opposites. You think if Ataru tried being himself in the real world that he would live for very long (or at the very least, stay out of jail)? There has to be SOME allowance for suspension of disbelief. The whole series is just BUILT that way.
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I don't think Ataru would be in jail. He's not a criminal. And there are a few Ataru' in this World or at least with some of his skills.
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He's not a criminal? You think so? Last I checked, molesting people was a crime. So was sexual harassment. Especially in Japan.
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Forgetting to ask, how are you guys finding the style of writing I used, basically what I mean is the camera thing.
Cause it is essential and I will occasionally use it for jokes. I'm hoping it's not distracting.
To get a better understanding of this Point of View, you need to watch "The Office" (not an anime)
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side note: I'm almost done writing the 3rd chapter of... OMG I have to think of a decent name for this story!
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"Urusei Yatsura Again!" perhaps?
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"Urusei Yatsura: Eternal Destiny" That sound good?
And what about the camera thingy?
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Title it whatever you want, it's your story.
As far as the camera thing, again, write it how you want. It works for a story more suited to be animated than drawn. The thing I'm working on is the other way around (not only am I writing it to be drawn, I'm drawing it too). I'm calling it "Urusei Yatsura Remix" (because it's more of a retelling than a continuation). That is, if I can ever get the inspiration to actually finishing what I've started on it (somehow I've come to a HUGE writers block), and not getting sidetracked into working on one of the 5 original stories I have spinning around in my head that I want to work on.
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Chapter 3 added!
Here's a proto-type logo too ^_^
Posted on: March 01, 2008, 06:02:10 AM
Yeah! Now I have my own Logo for my story ^_^
(http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w102/Liake/Urusei%20Yatsura/Titles.jpg)
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What have I started? I only made my logo because I was planning on using it for my doujinshi manga. And it suspiciously looks a lot like mine, too, doesn't it?
I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
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Well the Japanese character and star had to stay the same anyways.
How is the third chapter?
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Oh, there's a lot more than just that that seems similar. It only makes sense that those would be there.
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Okay, I redid the title. I took out the "Urusei Yatsura" part and changed the star and background. I also reshaped "Eternal Destiny".
(http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w102/Liake/Urusei%20Yatsura/UYTitle.jpg)
Posted on: March 01, 2008, 06:41:43 PM
What kind of animal do you guys think best fits Ataru?
Ex:
-Tiger would obviously fit Lum.
-Shinobu would be a fox perhaps? (Pure-hearted fox)
-Mendou would be... an octopus ^_^
So what type of animal best fits Ataru?
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Ataru could be many creatures, but he would make a great weasel, rat, snake or cockroach. ;D
Seriously though, I thought he looked pretty good as a hippo 8)
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I like Hippo, it would bring back old memories ^_^
I will probably use either Hippo or... both rat and snake sound good... hmmm...
I think rat would work best for my idea...
Hey, what about Megane's animal?
If it's obvious what my next story idea is plz say so ^_^'
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Considering Megane means glasses, I would think a mole would be fitting (Just like Penfold from Dangermouse) :Y
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That works great cause they're both rodents, thank you Shutaro.
BTW, what do you think of my story (if you read it. Don't worry if you haven't)?
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It's good mate :*)
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I'm trying to decide on the fourth chapter but... hmm... my friend suggested Mendou should lose his fortune in an episode...
Unfortunately I haven't figured out a reason for why he would lose all his money.
Any suggestions?
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Step 1. Hostile takeover of the Mendo corporation.
Step 2. Debts piling on by the maintenance of such a large estate and their private army and many servants.
Step 3. Bankruptcy due to the lack of a source of income to resolve these debts.
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well that was answered rather fast 0_0
But I need him to get his money back by the end of the episode
... -_- My friend (pitched the episode idea) puts me in the worst situations...
btw, is the logo different enough yet?
Posted on: March 03, 2008, 02:49:32 AM
I got it! I can't believe I never thought of this before!!! OMG, it plays so well and it even keeps to the anime!
YES!!! Now I have my first Mendou episode ready to go!!!
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Another possibility is to have the government suspect the Mendo corporation, and more specifically Mendo's father, having ties to a terrorist organization. That way the government would just freeze their assets and holdings (essentially kicking the family out of their home, while hauling Mr. Mendo off to jail until his interrogation is over). And for a quick regain of everything... clear him of all charges. So everything goes back to normal.
And yes, the logo's fine. Logos aren't really important unless you have the intention of visually representing your story (ie: animating it, or writing a manga, like I am), or actually publishing it (and I doubt that's really feasible due to copyright issues).
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Well I was planning on putting the second logo in the opening I created so I need to know whether it's different enough and such.
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It works.
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Okay now that I've officially moved my chapters to the Fanfiction section, I can start on chapter 4. This topic shall remain a discussion topic for my story I guess and if I need help again I'll ask here.
As in previous chapters, I give credit to the users that help ^_^
Posted on: March 05, 2008, 01:42:29 AM
Alright! Chapter 4 up! Now, sorry if this chapter isn't very good. This chapter is mostly about Mendou and as we all know, episodes that don't star Lum and Ataru are never good.
So even if you don't like this chapter, I still win cause I was following the episodes style.
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As long as there's a reason for it, I don't see a problem. Stories to add depth to secondary characters are usually a good thing in my book. Though personally, I don't consider Mendo a secondary character. All in all he plays quite an important role in the story, being Ataru's primary rival in pretty much everything after his introduction. UY without Mendo is like Superman without Lex Luthor.
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Well I think how I got Mendou to lose his money and get it back was freaking brilliant compared to my other ideas. I still can't believe it hadn't come to me earlier cause it just fits so well and it seems so obvious!
Btw, is there anyone who thinks the chapters are too short or under developed?
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Next Chapter: The one where Ataru and Lum make their deal for Ataru's free girl-hunts.
I haven't started on it yet but I'm hoping it will turn out good...
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Oh and also... two new characters are scheduled to be introduced soon ^_^ the chapter AFTER the following one.
Posted on: March 13, 2008, 12:54:20 AM
Alright, Chapter 5 posted ^_^ this one I got help from by Forgotten_Lum so thank you for that.
I would still like people to tell me what they think about the camera thing...
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I like inovation so... it's awesome!
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Next chapter... two new characters will be introduced... Also Ryoga from Ranma 1/2 will be making a cameo appearance.
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very nicely done, just one question, are we going to find out what happened on the trip or is it going to be left to our imagination?
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Unfortunately there is only one camera man and the focus remains in Tomobiki so there will be no scenes of them in Paris. But the 2 new characters are to make up for the missing Lum and Ataru. Although I have yet to think of a main plot for what happens while Lum and Ataru are gone.
It could be a plot involving the remaining cast (Mendou, Shinobu, Megane, etc.) or focus around one character like Mendou's chapter did.
Any ideas?
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okay how bout hmm... Megane go after Oyuki ? wait, It been done howzabout... A Point Of View through the eyes of lum stormtroopers ?
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Well POV cannot be from a character. But I do have an idea now.
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Alright, new chapter added
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Okay... I already have the next episode idea in my head. What I do need is something to do for New Years. Any suggestions?
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Okay I'll be releasing my next chapter soon...
After my show... ^_^
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Ok so not I'm particularly happy with my last chapter due to the fact that it was so long I had to cut it into 2 episodes and the problem is that this one was a parody episode and usually parodies shouldn't be more than an episode.
O well... at least that's one more episode spot filled in for season 1...
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liked it a lot!
so when is the next chapter coming out?
i so wanna know what happens after chap-7.
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For what it's worth, I've started uploading chapters to Fanfiction again (1 per week)